Fab Gal

Sweet or Sour?

2012-02-14T21:12:00.004-06:00

Happy Valentine’s Day, Fab Gals!

Oh, V-Day. It’s funny how a day all about sugar can inspire so much bitterness. I’ve heard people joke that they only recognize “Singles’ Awareness Day” or “Sad and Alone Day.” Of course they’re just kidding – but then you don’t hear anyone teasing Thanksgiving! There are also people who seem to really hate the holiday. They say it’s too commercialized, puts too much pressure on people in relationships, or that we should celebrate love every day, not 1 in 365.

I’ve never been one of those people. I couldn’t possibly hate a day reserved for all of my favorite things: glitter, pink, roses, chocolate, and heart-shaped anything. And I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with making a day to celebrate love – in all its forms – a little louder than usual.

At least that’s how I usually feel. But this year… truthfully, I’ve been feeling like Sad-and-Alone, party of one.

I can remember being a little girl in Barbie PJs, dreaming about the day Prince Charming would come (I pictured him as B, the 5-year-old Romeo in my kindergarten class). Then, a few years later, I couldn’t wait to be old enough to have a BF and go to prom (as close as it gets to Cinderella dreams, right?).

That was all cute enough. But now… the feeling doesn't seem so adorable. I hate to even admit it, because it always seems like strong, confident girls aren’t supposed to care if they’re single. But I do.

Anyways, I imagined I could spend V-Day night curled up in bed, drowning my singleness in truffles, tears, and chick flicks. But the reality is, solo or no, I’m really, really lucky. I have so many Fab Guys in my life – my dad, my brother, my BGFs – who care for me, whom I have fun with, and most importantly, who let me be me. Ultimately, those are the qualities I want in a boyfriend. Someday. For now… I’ll just enjoy my time as one of the guys.

But that’s just my story. Wherever V-Day brings you, my chocolate-covered wish is that every day you get to do what you love, be who you love… and celebrate with the ones you love.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Shiny & New: TheFabGal.com is getting a makeover!

2012-02-08T09:18:00.005-06:00

Hey Fab Gals!

I have been icky-sicky this week, but one thing that has been keeping me going is my excitement over the new changes underway for TheFabGal.com.

The site is getting a total makeover. In addition to a new look, the site will have a totally new format - more like a website or webzine. The blog you love will still be there, but there will be more sections - like for FG-approved books, videos, and more, and profiles of famous FGs. TheFabGal.com will have new content too, including an "Ask FG" section where you can submit your questions for advice.

As you can see, I am sooo excited! But really, this site is all for Y-O-U. So what I want to know is, what would you like to see on the site? Anything new, or anything from the blog you'd like to see more (or less) often? What keeps you going back to the websites you love.

Leave a comment to let me know, because I am all about making TheFabGal.com the best place I can for you and me.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

PS - If you aren't already, follow me on Twitter!

As the Credits Roll

2012-01-31T10:42:00.004-06:00

There are certain characters that show up again and again in the movies and on TV. The mean-but-popular cheerleader. The nerdy-sweet sidekick. Some of them are totally fake and just for entertainment (In fact, most cheerleaders are actually quite… cheerful).

But then sometimes…. Well, art imitates life. You know that girl who’s so obviously with the wrong guy, but she keeps going back to him again and again? The classic off-and-on relationship – like Ross and Rachel, except with a bad boy. Well to be honest, I always thought that girl was kind of dumb. Or crazy. I mean really, do you think anything is going to happen differently this
time? No. How many times do you have to hit your head against the wall… to see it always going to hurt you?

But there’s nothing like life lessons to teach you not to judge. Because I have been That Girl.

I don’t need to get into the details of it. Boy likes girl. Girl gives him a chance. Boy decides he’s done, and girl gets her heart broken. Then the cycle repeats.

I don’t know. I just liked him so much, you know? It seemed worth the risk. But really I didn’t think about the risk at all. Love (or even just the possibility of it) makes you remember hope and forget logic. With the right person it’s lovely, but with the wrong one, it can be toxic.

But what I want you to know is, if a relationship is not working out like you imagined, and you’re just getting hurt, don’t settle. I know, I know… it’s not that easy. Boy, do I ever know. Because it doesn’t feel like settling. And at first, when you’re letting go of that back-and-forth fella, it’s going to hurt you. Way more than it hurts him. But you have to let all of it go – the memories, the feelings, and that piece of you that’s always with him. You’ll never be able to find the right person, and let them in, if you’re saving a seat for the wrong person. Eventually, you have to kiss Mr. Wrong goodbye and let the credits roll. I finally decided to do that.

Of course, if this was a movie, Mr. Right would have shown up 5 minutes and a sad song after I made the right decision. And we would kiss on my doorstep, preferably in the pouring rain. But in real life, happy endings aren’t so immediate. I still believe I made the right decision though.

Because I’ve been That Girl. And I’m so done. That chapter is closed, the scene is cut. Moving on. I think I’ll go back to being the hopeless romantic, Cinderella-waiting-for-Prince-Charming I’ve always been.

I believe there’s someone wonderful out there for me and for you.

And besides, I just can’t resist a good glass slipper.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

FG in the Spotlight: Angela Zhang

2012-01-23T20:50:00.003-06:00

Hey there Fab Gals!

This weekend I was walking through the kitchen and caught the end of a story on CBS Sunday Morning. I instantly knew I wanted to share it with you. The feature was about Angela Zhang, a 17-year-old from California who wrote a research report describing her original recipe. And what does it make? A potential cure for cancer! It will take years to know if it works for humans, but the pros say it's promising... so much so that Angela won the Siemens Competition in Math, Science & Technology.

And what's one thing she used her $100,000 prize for? Shoes... including an absolutely adorbs pair of Steve Madden embellished purple flats. A girl after my own heart. Check out the full story here:

Amazing, right? It's so inspiring to see FGs following their passion and making a difference in the world. Way to go, Angela!

xoxo

The Fab Gal

PS - Do you know a Fab Gal with an impressive story? Leave a comment to let me know - her story could be featured here!

FG Approved: Rudy Francisco

2012-01-16T12:03:00.004-06:00

Hey Fab Gals!

Whether you're a single lady or happily Facebook-official with someone, it's good to know in your mind what real, true love looks - or sounds! - like to you. I think I found something that does that for me. One of my BFLs (that's Bestie for Life) shared a video with me by the poet Rudy Francisco. He has a few super-sweet poems, but this one, called "The First Time You Said Hello," absolutely melts my heart.

As V-Day approaches, remember to look for (and create!) the kind of relationship you deserve. What I wish for you is that you find someone who adores you for you and wants to be part of your life through the good and the bad... because I know you would do that much and more for them.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

What's something that epitomizes your idea of love? A song, a movie, a picture, a real couple you know? Share in the comments below!

Hello, Future!

2012-01-08T20:25:00.006-06:00

Happy New Year, Fab Gals!

2012 is still brand new, so it’s that time when everyone is hopeful – making resolutions and looking forward to the possibilities of the New Year. It’s also that time for me (and maybe you!) when graduation is just a few months away. Sure, graduation is an ending, and reflecting about all that’s changed since you stepped through those school doors for the first time. But even more, graduation is about making big decisions for the future. What do you want to do with your life? Where will you go to college? Or maybe, who do you wanna be when you step into the halls of middle school? The questions and uncertainty are enough to make the future seem a little frightening.

When the future seems frightening, it’s easy to just push it away, focus on the now, ignore the what-ifs, and play it safe. That's what I've been doing, anyway. But of course, that’s not really dealing. No matter what you do (or don’t do) the future is always coming, one minute at a time. Thankfully for me, I have someone who always puts things in perspective. My dad reminded me that what matters most is thinking not just about the right now, but where you want to be in the future – whether that’s 1 year, 4 years, or 10 years. Because c’mon, you have big dreams, right? But the only way to get there is by pulling them out of the clouds and starting to work towards them right now, not some day in the future once this or that happens. I don’t want you or me to sell ourselves and our Fab-ness short by squishing down life into what fits in the present.

So I’m starting to make goals for the new year… including a few I hope to share with you. But what are your hopes, FG? How are you moving forward in 2012? Share in the comments below… and know I’m cheering you on every step of the way.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Cruising ahead in 2012 ;)

Top 5 FGs of 2011

2011-12-27T13:37:00.016-06:00

Hey Fab Gals,

So of course not every Fab Gal gets to (or wants to) spend her time in the spotlight. However, I think it's really cool when girls use the opportunities they've been given, like fame, to help others. So this top 5 is honoring 5 well-known Fab Gals who shined in in 2011.

1. Demi Lovato - After leaving treatment at the beginning of the year, Demi has bounced back in a big way. In addition to releasing a new album, which includes the stay-strong anthem "Skyscraper," she's become a contributing editor for Seventeen, sharing about her struggles with the pressure to be perfect and encouraging other girls to be confident. Demi has proved that you can grow out of struggles and mistakes to be strong and help others. Check out her work for Seventeen here.

2. Kendall Jenner - The Kardashians have certainly garnered their share of fame as fortune, as well as plenty of criticism. However, this younger member of the K crew doesn't take her blessings for granted. For her Sweet 16 party, she asked guests bring toys to donate to the local children's hospital instead of presents for herself. She found a way to have the best of both worlds - a rooftop party with family and friends, and gifts to give to others. Read more about her party here.

3. Kate Middleton - This now-duchess is of course best known in 2011 for her fairytale wedding to Prince William. But in an era where princesses have gotten a bad rep, she's used her position for good. In just the last few months, she has supported UNICEF, been named an ambassador for the Olympics, and made other charity visits. Talk about princess power!

4. Taylor Swift - Okay, I am just the biggest T-Swfit fangirl ever. But in an age where some do find fame for being catty on a reality TV show, Taylor really is a true sweetheart. What's more, she's willing to "Speak Now" and share her story in songs that are relatable. She's like a supportive best friend over the stereo! Check out her latest video, for "Ours," here.

5. Sarah Cronk - Okay, you may not recognize her name, but this is a girl worth knowing about. In 2008, she started a cheerleading squad at her school that included girls with disabilities. That grew into the Sparkle Effect, a program that helps girls at schools across the country create similar squads. This year, she won the top prize at the 2011 VH1 Do Something Awards. That means she won $100,000 for her organization. . . in addition to getting to wear a sparkly dress on TV and make eye contact with Justin Bieber. Talk about a Fab Gal! Learn more about the Sparkle Effect here.

So FGs, that's my top 5 for 2011. Who would be on your list? Who are the FGs in your life? Share in the comments below!

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Picture Imperfect

2011-08-20T14:40:00.004-05:00

So Fab Gals, it's getting to be that time of year - back-to-school. Personally, I love this time of year. Not that I'm exactly excited about homework and test again (in fact, I'm really not). But it always seems like the first day brings with it tons of possibilities - for new adventures, new challenges, new crushes... or even just new school supplies! But before we leave behind the lazy (or crazy!) days of summer, I want to share with you one of the out-of-school lessons I learned.

I am definitely, positively not perfect. But you know what? I do alright.

There's been a lot out there lately about self-acceptance, with Demi Lovato and other celebs (and real girls!) speaking out against the "pressure to be perfect." I feel like I started to accept that lesson a long time ago. I mean, that's one of the tenants of being a Fab Gal, right? Know that your imperfections are just a part of the beautiful, complex girl that you are. But sometimes, I struggle with accepting my own brand of imperfect. Like, okay, I can deal with being a bruises-like-a-peach klutz. I mean, it makes for funny stories, right? But if I deal with that, can't I just have 24/7 perfect skin? And being a bit shy - no big deal. I can work through that. But the down moods and grouchy moments? I could live without (and believe me, others could too!).

But let me tell you about the moment that I decided just-like-this was more-than-enough. It was the end of a day at the amusement park with my friends. Everyone was snapping pics like crazy. Problem was, I didn't feel so camera ready. I had a sweaty, make-up free face, and humidity-frizzy water park hair... not to mention a mental image of myself as bloated like a balloon from the standard fried theme park food. I was already dreading seeing those photos on Facebook. But then I realized, you know what? It's so worth it. I spent a day running around with new and old friends. I'll never forget the feeling of riding front seat down the roller coaster or being stopped right at the top of the Ferris wheel when the fireworks started (truly magical). So snap away. Today was perfect.

As you head into the school year, if you find yourself getting down on yourself, stop and make sure you're looking at things from the right direction. Even if you feel imperfect, maybe things (and you!) are perfect in their own way, when you look at the whole picture. Sometimes you need to put yourself out there, flaws and all, to live the full life you really deserve.

So this is me, imperfect and unedited. Remember FGs, I'm always here when you need me. And whatever challenges you face this year, I'm behind you all the way. Let's show the world what our little imperfect selves are capable of!

xoxo

FG Approved: The Lo-Down

2011-07-26T12:28:00.005-05:00

Reality stars aren't exactly known for having healthy relationships. I'm thinking of the bizarre showdown that is "The Bachelor" and pretty much any reality show involving a celebrity or housewife. But The Lo-Down, a dating guide by Lo Bosworth, proves that some stars are firmly grounded in... well, reality. The lovely chica of "Laguna Beach" and "The Hills" fame has put together a relationship how-to manual that is well-worth the read.

The Lo-Down is centered on The Golden Rule, which basically comes down to "if it doesn't work out with a guy, he is not the right guy for YOU, so ditch the misconception that you must not be right for HIM." It's a similar message to the one from the ever-popular He's Just Not That Into You (read: If he's not treating you right, don't waste your time), but softer. In fact, this book is a nice contrast, because it takes the power from the guy and gives it to you. That's what's also so fab about this book - Lo encourages you to believe in your worth and gives specific tips for building your confidence, like setting goals, volunteering, and making a Love List. While personally-focused, it's sensibly in keeping with the goal of the book, because Lo knows that when you believe in yourself, you'll be able to find and build a relationship where you're happy and treated right.

Another bonus: this book is equal parts solid advice and simple fun. It includes features such as insightful quizzes (think the ones from Quizfest or Cosmo, but more meaningful) and personal stories about herself and friends to back up her points. I also absolutely adored the list of the types of guys that fall into the categories of "Baddies" and "Goodies." Sure, it's generally best to avoid putting labels on anyone, boys included. But when you're dealing with the blurry vision that comes with crushes and broken hearts, Lo's categories help you see the hard facts of the situation. It's sooo much easier to step back, look around, and say "Oh, we've got a Can't-Commit Charlie on our hands" than it is to argue with the strong emotions you may have (and the sensitivity that comes with them).

Okay, before I conclude this gush-fest over the lovely Lo-Down, let me just point out that Lo gives helpful advice for every step of the relationship road, from the initial signs that a guy is into you, to moving on from the wrong one, and everything in-between, such as fun date ideas and recipes to make with or for your beau. The Lo-Down is an especially great read for girls between relationships ready for a new approach, but it could still be an enjoyable read if you're happily in one. Consider Lo your down-to-earth girlfriend with the advice you need to hear and a sweet shoulder to lean on.

xoxo

P.S. The Lo-Down website is currently in makeover mode, but you can pick up a copy of the book here.

FG Approved: Demi Lovato

2011-06-29T11:10:00.004-05:00

Hey girlies!

I just wanted to share with you something really cool in the media lately. Demi Lovato, after leaving rehab and opening up about her struggles with bipolar disorder, cutting, and an eating disorder, has partnered up wit Seventeen magazine as a contributing editor, to share her campaign "Love is Louder than the Pressure to Be Perfect." You can check out more about it here: demi lovato opens up about the pressure to be perfect. I think it's a great message - sharing you struggles to help others. Check it out!

xoxo

Flawed?

2011-06-11T16:18:00.005-05:00

I started thinking yesterday about strengths and weaknesses. I was thinking that even though we usually consider them to be opposites, maybe they're not really that different. Maybe they're more like one thing, flipsides of a coin or a continuum. Maybe being happy and successful is figuring out how to best use your traits in each situation.

For example, I am cautious. Which means I generally don't get myself in dangerous situations (riding in a car without a seatbelt, doing drugs, jumping off a building). But sometimes it means I psych myself out of doing something I do want to do when I get nervous (leading to those "Oh, if only I had..." kind of moments). I am thoughtful - I think about everything all the time - which I believe is what allows me to be a writer, when I can channel it in that direction. But then sometimes I worry too much, and I wish I could turn it off and just breathe.

I also feel like my determination, one of my favorite traits, could be the death of me. It's certainly done me both good and bad. There's nothing inherently wrong with being stubborn or a go-getter, but when you're truly hell-bent on something, it sounds like you are headed in the wrong direction. Being determined has helped me with challenges, like making the cheerleading squad and starting a website (3 years and counting!). But then there are times like when I was resolved to lose weight. I certainly made it happen, but it didn't make me happy. Now it makes me hesitant whenever I start to get in that can't-stop-me-now mindset, because I wonder if I am sending myself down the wrong path.

So yeah, I'm definitely not good at giving things up (see the Diet Coke to my left). But I'm also not good at giving up on things that matter. If I was, would I be here? Definitely not.

You know, we always say that the way to be happy with ourselves and build self-esteem is to embrace and accept our flaws. And I do believe that is a lovely way to live. But maybe, at least sometimes, you can take it one step further, and consider how to use your flaws in a way so that they aren't really flaws at all. Are you nerdy, or are you studious and unique? Are you pushy, or could you be assertive when it matters? Are you absentminded, with your "head in the clouds," or do you have a great imagination in need of a place to go, like art or writing or music?

So don't be scared of your weaknesses. They may just be strengths you haven't figured out how to use yet.

Speak Up, Speak Now

2011-06-05T09:33:00.007-05:00

I guess lately I have been thinking a lot about the less comfortable aspects of life that you must brave through in order to live your fullest, best life. One of those is speaking up when something is bothering you.

I am at a point in my life where I'm trying to learn how to make my own decisions and be independent. I've gotten a lot better at it. I'm having a lot of fun with it, too (my belly button has never been more glam-ified). I still get stuck sometimes, though. And it reminds me that sometimes when you've found yourself in a hole, it's time to stop digging and speak up before you can't be heard anymore.

I've been panicked beyond panicked about what I'm going to do next year after I graduate. I have some direction, and one idea in particular. But I've been really shaken up about it, and I finally realized how much it was affecting me below the surface. And I hadn't said anything to anyone about how I was feeling because it seemed better off to not acknowledge it and make it real. Less painful, anyway. I didn't want to talk, and then find out the things that I thought were true were really true - that there was absolutely no good solution. But once I realized how much I was struggling, I decided it couldn't hurt - it had to come out eventually, right? So I jumped in and told my dad about it. There were tears, definitely, and uncomfortable moments of silence for me where I just wanted to run. But it was a huge relief. Like maybe everything really will be okay. I'll be okay. My future will be bright. And I have help.

So many girls that I get to chat with online at work (which I seem to be able to brag about forever, but I will hold back for now) write in to us with big problems, or even if not "big," at least important ones that really would be best discussed with someone who knows them, face-to-face. A lot of the girls seem to understand that's what they "should" do, but often they have reasons why they feel like they can't. And that's understandable. I know people find themselves in lives I can't even imagine, where they really don't at the moment have anyone they can trust. But for the most part, I think it's just that the idea of talking about something uncomfortable or embarrassing seems too difficult, especially if it's not something you usually do. But it can be so worth it.

If I could go back in time and change one thing about my life, I would have spoken up sooner. There was a period of time in 7th grade when I was really struggling with my body, and just felt really insecure and shy. I do wonder now how my life would be different if I had reached out for help. But it's nobody's fault. I don't even really blame myself. I was clueless to the fact that how I was feeling wasn't normal or deserved, that I could be happier. And honestly, if everything that happened makes me who I am now, and gives me the chance to stop others from getting stuck in the same problems, then it was all worth it. I'll speak up, now and forever.

And I think those two words - speak up - can make so many situations better. If you see a friend slipping into a bad sitch, say something. She might be mad, but it's better than just letting her go on that way. And speaking up is monumentally important in dating relationships. Even when you like someone and feel so in sync with them, it's not always so easy to take on their perspective. And they might not see things the way you do, either. My BFF pointed out to me that when you have "silences" in a relationship - where you are not talking about a problem - it's easy to fill in the silences with what you think they are thinking or feeling, and totally over-analyze. So say something. There's actually a very good chance that you will clear things up and see there wasn't much of a problem at all. Don't be afraid to speak up even if it's not a problem per se, just something you want or need (like, you want your bf to hold your hand, or you want more one-on-one time with your BFF). Sure, you can't always get what you want, but you deserve to be heard.

You're ultimately responsible for yourself, but sometimes that means knowing when to ask for help. And besides, your friends and family are the most important people in your life, they want to help, and they deserve to get to know and love the real you. So speak up. Now's the time.

[Photo: Taylor Swift fan? Nobody knows how to "Speak Now" like the country chica.]

Coming Through Your Storm

2011-06-01T15:17:00.005-05:00

"The way I see it, if you want the sunshine you gotta put up with the rain. - Dolly Parton

There's a time to hide out for shelter, and there's a time to buckle up and keep moving forward. I was going all philosophical on this idea, on life as I was driving home from movie night at my best friend's house and got caught in a rainstorm. When I'd left, the sky had been calm and clear, but all of the sudden I was on a highway I barely recognized anymore because of the sudden downpour (and I'm not exaggerating - my windshield wipers were about to give up and flee to the desert). I thought momentarily of pulling over, but that didn't seem like a much more appealing (or even safe) option. I decided if I just kept driving, slowly and cautiously, soon enough I would be exactly where I wanted to be - in bed, headphones in, listening to Selena Gomez and quickly falling asleep. And in that moment I realized that's just how it is with everything in life - sometimes you find yourself in a storm, even if things looked so clear to begin with, and it's easy to be overwhelmed. But it won't last forever.

I guess people have probably used that comparison for ages, that bad times in life are like a storm. But what I only just realized is that even journeys to places you want to go, or ones that start out beautiful, can involve times of trouble. And I love storms.

My mom said something similar to me once - I thought it was important so I wrote it down, and recently thought of it again. She said that sometimes you have to struggle through the hard parts of life or do things you don't like because it allows you to get to where you want to be or do what you want to do later. She was referring to law school, her own personal storm. I imagine it's the same way for other things - breaking bad habits, training for a marathon, or overcoming self-doubt to take on a new challenge, whether it's writing a novel or just talking to a boy you like.

Perseverance, or being able to keep going in spite of challenges and obstacles, is what it's all about. Being able to pause, take a deep breath, and keep going. There are two other Ps that I think are also important - patience and perspective. Patience is a virtue, or so I've heard, but it's one that I am only beginning to acquire. I don't mean patience in the annoying "Be patient, wait your turn" kind of way you know it when you're little, although it's kind of like that. I looked it up in the dictionary, to make sure I actually knew what I was talking about, and it described patience as "an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay." I think that's perfect. Instead of flipping out or throwing your cards in or whatever you want to call it, you hold on. Really, it all comes back to having faith - in life in general, but especially in yourself. You sometimes just have to wait.

Then there's perspective. This is where, when things get difficult, you make sure you're actually seeing them clearly. I used to chide myself for walking around like there was some dark cloud over my head. But maybe I was just looking at it from the wrong direction. I do live under a storm cloud. But I'm the lightning. I have the power - it's limited, it won't last forever, and it can certainly be destructive. But it's mine. And I get to do what I want with it.

If you think you know where you're going, you can still move forward, and maybe you'll make it where you were headed all along. The drive just had more adventure than you planned.

"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott

Also, allow yourself to fail.

2011-05-29T10:28:00.008-05:00

There is one other aspect of this funny/lovely/twisted life that I have come to regard as highly (or nearly so) as heartbreak: That would be failure. Or at least, the possibility of it.

Let me explain.

Lately, I've found it's easy to toss aside the dreams you have for yourself when you feel unsure (which, let's face it, is at some point almost inevitable). What's especially tricky is that dreams by their very definition are a little beyond logic or grander than real life. Until you make them real, that is. And I guess the tipping point is if the load becomes too much to bear - you feel unsure, you feel like you're going to mess up, or you're not even sure if what you want is what you really want.

Still, I believe in the face of all that, you have a reason to keep going. There's a tiny shred of something - a memory, a desire, a hope - about the size of a piece of fuzz from a dandelion ready to be blown away for a wish. So small. But if you catch it, you can fly with it... and suddenly it's just big enough.

And the benefits are multiple. I decided to run for a student government position at my school this year (secretary, because nobody does detailed notes like I do). It was something I wasn't sure if I even wanted to do or not, but I decided to go for it. The night I found out I won the election, which I thought should have felt awesome for any normal person, I had this sinking, oh-shoot-what-did-I-get-myself-into? feeling. But I had done it, so there was no turning back. And it turned out to be possibly the best decision I made all year. I had a great time, and the people I met, including a few who at the beginning of the year I wasn't so sure about, turned out to be amazing friends... and some even a little more (if you need a hint, see the previous article). It was exactly what I wanted - fun and friends - but it was also more. Those people and the experience brought out parts of me that had been missing for a while, parts that I hadn't realized how much I missed. They see me for Lady Gaga and glitter and quick comebacks, and I love them so much for it. Anyways, what I am saying by all of this gushing is that sometimes taking that chance (to fail, or just for things to totally suck) can be life-changing for you, in ways you never would have expected. I certainly could not have predicted all that would come out of a decision to do something I was wishy-washy about to begin with. It's become kind of a guiding principle for me. If I'm not sure about something, as long as it's not, you know, harmful or destructive, I think, "Hey, why not? It could lead to something great." Or not. Either way, you learn something.

That's another benefit, something that writing has taught me. Sometimes, putting yourself out there gives you the chance to sort out what's right and what's wrong. I have had a pretty wonderful opportunity to write for a pretty wonderful magazine this year. And my articles get posted online, so of course I go check out the comments. And let me say, I am starting to understand why celebrities don't read what people write about them on blogs and whatever. Because people are not afraid to say what they think online, and even when they're not crazy-mean, negative comments can sting. But one thing I've come to understand is that no matter if it's positive or negative, feedback can help. You can take in the positive (and smile), and then take in the negative - some of it is just "whatever," and you can toss it aside. But the rest you can learn from. I was devastated once when I read that someone used the tips in my article (a captivating piece about how to use a curling iron) and reported back that they didn't work. I was upset because I realized that even though I had done the research (and lots of it, let me tell you), I couldn't say for sure if they did work, because I hadn't tested them out myself. And I felt bad, but instantly a million little things came into my mind of how I could have double-checked to give myself the back-up (called my hair stylist, checked with my beauty-savvy best friend, etc.). And I was like, "Hey, this is okay. It hurts, because I wanted it to be perfect. But now I know." So what I'm saying is, taking a chance to fail (and sometimes failing) puts you in the fortunate position of being able to learn what works and what doesn't. Making you even more amazing and knowledgeable than you were before. Which you can't achieve just by imagining. You only get there by going out and doing.

What's most important though, is this: Allowing yourself the possibility of failing, of going after that wish or dream and having it all fall through, is an investment - in whoever it is you're going to become. And, even more importantly, it's a signal of faith and an act of love directed towards who you are right now.

Allow yourself to fail. A million times over. No matter what happens, you'll be changed for the better. It's inevitable.

In the end, this is what I've come up with: I may not get what I want. I can't even say I deserve it. But I'll be damned if I don't try.

So hold on, baby.

Please let your ♥ be broken.

2011-05-15T10:49:00.006-05:00

There's a saying that "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" (Alfred, Lord Tennyson said it first). I always thought that was a dumb thing to say (especially to someone who's just suffered a love-loss, which I imagine the first person to hear it was). In my mind, it's not far from saying "Tis better to have gambled your money away in Vegas than never to have gone on vacation at all." Well, okay. I guess. If you say so.

But having recently been on the losing side of "All's fair in love and war" (another don't-even-get-me-started phrase), I can see how maybe 'tis better. Not so much that the good times are worth the pain. It's hard, at least sitting in-the-moment with sadness, to feel like they were. But - I don't know. Somehow the world, your world, is a little different after. Shaken, and that's a good thing.

For one, there's a certain amount of energy and emotion, leftover post-love, which has to be channeled somewhere. Of course, it can be used destructively. Definitely. Many people seem to chide the Ben & Jerry's break-up cure. Surely it's not enough, but I don't actually think it's that bad. Eventually you'll be hungry for something more, maybe something beautiful (Where would we be if Drew had not walked right on by Taylor Swift? Sorely living in a world without "Teardrops on My Guitar"). You can run, you can paint - I write. It can even be something a little more surface-level - cleaning your room, going makeover-crazy. It's not everything, but it's something. Your world becomes a little shiny and new.

Also, cheesy as it sounds, falling in love can remind you of the possibilities and potential that life holds, sometimes when you don't see it coming. And sure, nobody wants to be the girl who completely depends on others to be okay with herself, but I think love can bring into focus why you love yourself. "I love you for the part of me that you bring out." Roy Croft said that. I, for one, am a sassy little firework. I remember that now. And that's something I don't ever have to give back.

That's not to say that heartbreak is all-powerful, or it leaves you perfect and indestructible. At least form where I stand now, I'm more aware of the weaknesses I have. Like, There you go, chicky, wanting the wrong things at the wrong time. Or is it the right things at the wrong time? A little obsessive, a little unstable, unpractical and too emotional. And maybe definitely still hurting, long past what I'm comfortable with.

But no matter how big the pain, how obvious your flaws - well, there you have it. You're here, you survived. You're okay.

Heartbreak looks good on you, honey.

FG Approved: Selena Gomez & The Scene - "Who Says

2011-03-20T13:42:00.002-05:00

Hey FGS!

I am all about positive media, and I uh-dore Selena Gomez & the Scene's new video for their feel-good song "Who Says" (I also love Lady Gaga's little-monster anthem "Born this Way," although I don't totally understand the video). Click play if you're in the need of a confidence booster... or just want to smile.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

FG Approved: Girl Up

2011-01-31T15:49:00.002-06:00

Hey Fab Gals!

I wanted to share with you a completely fabulous way to get involved. It's called Girl Up, and it's a "for girls, by girls" campaign started by the United Nations (so yeah, it's totally legit). They work to help girls in developing countries like Guatemala, Liberia, Ethiopia, and Malawi. Their mission includes getting the girls education and health services, so they can not only lead happy and healthy lives now, but be the leaders and FGs of their countries in the future. There are so many ways to give, from $5, your facebook status, or your time. I encourage you to check it out, because sometimes nothing feels better than helping someone else.

Girl Up

Also, check out this video by Victoria Justice, a proud supporter of Girl Up:

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Give Your Own Advice... And Take It

2010-07-18T11:13:00.006-05:00

Hello Fab Gals!

This year, I've had an amazing opportunity to give advice to girls all over the country through one of my fave websites. It's kind of glamorous, like being an advice columnist, although I haven't been published in a magazine (at least, not yet anyway!). Me, working at warp speed to rescue girls from friend/boy/body/beauty crises, one by one. Okay, that's a bit of a stretch. I definitely don't have perfect answers to all the Q's I get, but I do the best I can. Still, being the go-to girl for problem solving has taught me that there is a big difference between giving advice, and being able to follow your own.

My life, although completely Fab, doesn't always feel that way. Even when things are going great, there's usually still something I want to fix. I probably worry too much. I often feel like the girls who write in - I've got a problem, and I would like to be given a clear road map for getting out of it. Thankfully, I've got a team of rescue workers myself for when I get stuck. But recently, one of them pointed out that maybe the trouble isn't that I don't know what to do, but that I don't follow the helpful advice I would give to someone else.

I think this happens to a lot of us FGs. If a sister, BFF, or cousin were in a tough sitch, we could see a simple solution to get her out of it. What's more, we would be supportive, and really believe that she could get through. But we often make ourselves the exception. Especially if we're feeling stressed or not very confident, we don't always treat ourselves as nicely as we would a friend in trouble. Being in the middle of it, and having our thoughts and emotions all over the place, can make it extra hard. Instead of advice and support, we might give ourselves extra stress and worry, or even beat ourselves up for having a problem in the first place. We may not mean to do it. But being negative or harsh doesn't solve any problems - usually, it just adds to them.

So next time you need some advice, try to think of what you would say to someone you really care about. Instead of being critical or mean, try to give yourself the support you would to a BFF. Even if you can't come up with all the answers right away, just trusting that you can handle any sitch is a great start. But hey, that's just my advice.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

FG Approved: The Carrie Diaries

2010-06-26T11:28:00.003-05:00

Hello Fab Gals!

In summer, many of life's treats come into season: bright-colored flip-flops, late night adventures with friends, and anything sweet, frozen, and drippy. Oh, and books (the kind you aren't required to read for school). That's why I want to share with you my candidate for the FG-Approved perfect beach read: The Carrie Diaries, by Candace Bushnell.

This novel follows Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City's heroine and one of my fave fictional FGs, through her senior year of high school. The book gives us a peek into Carrie's journey before her glamorous life, fabulous friends, and cool career in NYC. Living in a small town called Castlebury, Carrie's life is like most of ours - full of ups and downs. Major crushes and major boy disappointments, true (and not-so-true) friends, disagreements with dad, and a few crazy adventures of the senior-year variety. Through all of that, she also has a secret dream of being a writer - but not necessarily an easy route to get there.

What I loved most about this book (besides its sassy and insightful main character) is that this is a "before" story. Fans of the show and movies know Carrie's story has a happy ending. But it's cool to see that before the big closet and successful career, she was pretty... normal. Or at least, her life seemed that way. We all have big dreams, or "One day's" ("One day, I'll be a singer", "One day, I'll have a big house by the beach"). And it can be easy to focus on that. But there's something kind of glamorous about being unfinished, not quite there yet. There's something very wonderful about being on the way towards a dream - and all the characters, settings, and plot turns that get us there.

So FGs, summer is also the perfect season for working towards your happy endings... and just appreciating every piece of your story along the way.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

For more about The Carrie Diaries, check out the official site.

Be Daring, Be Fabulous

2010-06-15T14:57:00.003-05:00

"You'll never do a whole lot unless you're brave enough to try." - Dolly Parton

"Fear can hold you back from so many wonderful things in life, so I make myself go for things I'm afraid of. Worry afterward!" - Leann Rimes

"There is something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk." - Drew Barrymore

Hello Fab Gals!

Recently, I was reading over some of my fave quotes. I started to notice a pattern - so many of the women I admire talk about the importance of having courage. At first, you could say it's just because they're famous. I mean, you have to have some guts to lead a life in the public eye, right? But I think there's something more there - something that's important for any FG.

Courage is more than just being a daredevil or having no fears. Having courage is one of the key ingredients to having confidence in yourself. It's not about being completely fearless - it's knowing that some challenges are worth pushing past that sometimes uncomfortable, scary, oh-my-gosh-can-I-handle-this? feeling. It's the faith that you know what the right challenges are for you, that you are worth putting in the extra effort, and that you can handle the situation. And like confidence, courage is more than just a belief - it's an action. Sometimes a bold move is just what you need to feel Fab.

So how do you even begin? There are often challenges in our hearts we've secretly (or not-so-secretly) been dreaming about - trying out for the school musical, talking to our crush, or even starting our own business or writing a book. Sometimes, these can be the hardest, because it feels like we have so much to lose, or would be too disappointed to deal if we failed. But there are other ways to practice that can seem a little less threatening. Riding a roller coaster, wearing a daring new outfit, trying a new hobby, or taking another small risk that's less related to your dreams can give you a boost (and summer is the perfect time for such adventures!). And hey, sometimes courage means baby steps, or asking for advice to get you going on what you really want to do. The important thing is to find the challenge and go for it - and let yourself enjoy the rush and the strength that comes with breaking out of your comfort zone.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror, I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

P.S. - If you need some ideas for FG-approved risks to try, check out this Fab Gal Top 10.

Fab Gals, Past and Future

2010-06-09T14:42:00.004-05:00

Day 4: Inspire Yourself

Hey Fab Gals!

In hopes of making over my confidence (and finding some tips to share with you), I've been testing out some advice from GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control, by Julia DeVillers (with help from Atoosa Rubenstein) on how to Be Your Own Best Friend. The final step is to "Inspire Yourself." When you're feeling down on yourself, one of the first things to go is your dreams. It can feel like they're far beyond your reach, or maybe they were just kind of silly anyway. So GirlWise suggests you "Read empowering stories about amazing women, women of strength. And remember that each one of these amazing women... all started in the very same place you did."

I was definitely having one of those days, where it was only breakfast and it seemed to me like I wasn't getting anything right. I wasn't sure if reading would really help, but I decided to give it a shot. I picked up a book about cool women throughout history, featuring everyone from wild warrior Joan of Arc to funny girl Lucille Ball. As I began reading, I was truly amazed by their stories... and the effect they had on me.

Sometimes their thoughts, dreams, ideas, and challenges seemed crazy to other people - Jane Goodall saved her waitressing tips so she could move to Africa and study chimpanzees. but they still went for it. They could be extravagant, glamorous, and outrageous - like scandal-causing actress Mae West - but at the same time be ambitious, diligent, and hard workers. The two weren't mutually exclusive. They used the challenges in their own lives as a guiding force - like Madame C.J. Walker, who became the first black woman millionaire after a hair crisis inspired her to start a hair care company. Reading their stories put into focus the kind of woman I want to be, and started piecing together the inspiration I'd been missing.

I would definitely recommend this exercise. Of course, the trick comes in not just reading, but reminding yourself that you really can be counted among these amazing FGs. If it helps, I know you can do it.

So that wraps up the final day in my journey to be my own BFF (thanks to a lot of help from GirlWise). It's been tough, and definitely highlighted some problem areas in my relationship with me. But hey, relationships require work - and now I have some new tools to keep working on it.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

I Am... Fabulous

2010-06-03T10:55:00.004-05:00

Day 3: Compliment Yourself

"It's okay to be shy to accept a compliment. But what's so wrong with standing up straight and saying, 'Yeah, I am great'?" - Mandy Moore

Hello Fab Gals!

This week, I've been testing out some tips from Julia DeVillers (and Atoosa Rubenstein) from GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control on how to Be Your Own Best Friend, in hopes of working on my own confidence and giving you FGs some ideas, too. The third part of this how-to was to "Compliment Yourself." Since most people love to get compliments, GirlWise says, "why wait until someone else makes your day? Plant yourself love letters in your room, your locker, anywhere you can."

I knew this step was important. I'm not much of a chef, but I'm starting to see confidence as a pretty simple recipe - equal parts the things you do, and the things you say to yourself. Still, as much as I give compliments to my (other!) BFFs, it had been a while since I had complimented myself. So, I sat down with a poster board, sticky notes, a pen, and twenty minutes, and wrote down any compliments that came to mind.

Despite being out of practice, it was not as difficult as I imagined it would be. I thought about inside qualities (being caring and passionate) and outside ones (love my hair!), ones that really matter to me (being a good writer and great BFF) and ones that I don't give enough credit (It used to embarass me that I was so good at math. But hello? That's a good thing, even if I only use it for managing my money so I can shop). It doesn't really matter what you compliment yourself on, just as long as you get started - and mean it! I thought I might feel silly or embarassed by trying to compliment myself, or worse, I wouldn't be able to come up with anything. But looking back at my poster throughout the day felt good... and even better when I thought that I might be able to come back and add to it later.

If you need a confidence boost, this is definitely a good place to start. I think I'm going to work at doing this more often. I think that we are scared to compliment yourselves because we don't think what we are already is enough, or that if we tell ourselves nice things we won't be motivated to work toward our goals. But looking at my compliments poster, I actually felt excited about the challenges in my life - like I know I have what it takes to tackle them.

Stay tuned for Day 4: Inspire Yourself, and more confidence tips from GirlWise.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

(Not So) Solo Summer Day

2010-05-31T09:05:00.007-05:00

Day 2: Indulge Yourself

Hello Fab Gals!

This week, I am continuing to test out tips from GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control by Julia DeVillers, with help by Atoosa Rubenstein, on how to Be Your Own Best Friend and build confidence. The second step in this how-to is to "Indulge Yourself." According to GirlWise, this means to "Take at least one night every week and do something that's totally all about you." Okay, I can totally do this one. I started working on the perfect plan for an all-about-me day. I didn't feel like I could give up an evening without friends, family, and work calling my name.

I knew exactly what I wanted to do on my solo summer day. I was going to spend my morning catching up on magazines and sun by the pool, and in the afternoon, I was going to hit the shoe department at the mall - a place I'd seriously been missing. It sounded absolutely indulgent and totally fabulous... until the day actually came.

Despite having an action plan in place, take-off proved to be difficult. I knew indulging myself was a perfectly fine way to spend a day, but for some reason I couldn't do it. I kept procrastinating, finding other random tasks to do instead. I began to wonder, Am I really such a difficult person to hang out with? I had no idea. Is it really so bad to spend time with me? Other people seem to be able to handle it. But before long, my thoughts were interrupted by another Fab Gal, one who needed time with a friend as much as I did.

So my solo summer day didn't happen like I imagined. At first I felt like I really failed at being my own best friend. But I've decided I can't give myself a hard time about it. That's the thing about best friends - we forgive them, despite any minor imperfections. Because they are worth more to us than that. And besides, sometimes being a best friend to someone who needs us brings out our best, and gives us something to be confident about. And hey, it's gotta be good practice for when we need to be our own BFFs. That relationship just might take a little more work.

Come back for Day 3: Compliment Yourself, and more confidence tips from GirlWise.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Roses... Would That Be Too Much?

2010-05-27T17:05:00.008-05:00

Day 1: Date Yourself

Hey FGs!

This week, I am trying out some tips from GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control, by Julia DeVillers (with help from Atoosa Rubenstein) on how to build confidence by Being Your Own Best Friend. The first step in this how-to guide was to "Date Yourself." How do you do that, right? According to the book, it means to "Do for yourself the nice things you'd do for a guy you really wanted to make fall in love with you." That includes giving yourself special treats or gifts, or going to places you think are date-worthy.

So I decided to go for it... and I very quickly found out that I am a much tougher-to-impress date than I thought. I was a little stumped as to what I could really do for myself. As much as I secretly love the idea of receiving a dozen roses, I really didn't think I could just walk into the store today and buy them for myself ("Oh, who are these for?" Uhhmm...). And making reservations at a restaurant for me, myself, and I just didn't seem right.

Public displays of affection being out, I tried to think a little less date-y and a little more simple - what things do I like to do for myself when I don't have excuses (no money, no time, not worth it) not to? So the first thing I did was make a mixed CD - like a soundtrack to my life at the moment. It's small, but I hadn't done it in a while. And I'd forgotten, but driving around listening to my fave music is something I really kinda love. After some more thought, I realized what I would love most on my date with moi is to just rent my favorite show and curl up on the couch. So I drove out to the video store (to my new CD), and on the way picked up the ingredients for my fave dessert. I came back, whipped up my treat, and finished my date off on the couch, a little better than when I started.

As it turns out, dating myself was a lot harder than expected (which maybe explains why dating other people can be so confusing!). It's easy to see how we Fab Gals might not make the effort to do things just for ourselves - we're busy, and there are always so many other people we want to impress first. But really, who is more worthy of our endless love and affection than us? So I think I'm going to try to put in more effort from now on... and definitely go for a second date.

Stay tuned for Day 2: Indulge Yourself - and more confidence tips from GirlWise.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

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FG Puts it to the Test: How to Be Your Own Best Friend

2010-05-23T12:25:00.005-05:00

Hello FGs!

Recently, I picked up a new book. It's called GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and In Control, by Julia DeVillers. It's got how-tos for all the stuff you wish you knew, but of course don't learn in school - How to look great in a photo, journal, get along with your mother... even unclog a toilet (which may not sound that important, but knowing that would save a few thousand girls from ending up on Seventeen's "Embarrassing Moments" page).

Anyways, the chapter that interested me most was "Be Confident." Confidence doesn't come easy, but once you've got it, it makes doing pretty much everything easier (and more fun). And I'm willing to take all the tips I can get. So I've decided to put it to the test.

One of the how-tos in this chapter was How to Be Your Own Best Friend, with advice by Atoosa Rubenstein (former editor-in-chief of Seventeen and CosmoGIRL!). Her idea is that we are awesome to our BFFs - we remind her how beautiful she is, encourage her in chasing her dreams, and make time for her whenever she needs it. But we don't always do those things for ourselves, especially when we're not feeling so hot. So if we treat ourselves more like a best friend, maybe we can be more confident.

So this week, I'm going to give it a shot - be my own best friend. I'll put the tips to the test, and let you know how it goes. Keep checking back, FG.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

FG Approved: Advice Sites

2010-05-20T13:22:00.007-05:00

Hey FGs!

Lotsa people love reading advice articles in magazines and online. And why not? The truth is, so many of us have similar questions... but someone has to be brave enough to ask! Of course, it can be hard to know where to turn for advice that's actually helpful. These sites have been FG-tested for awesome girl advice:

Girls' Life: Advice
(This magazine's website has advice on practically everything! But I especially love Bill and Dave's guy perspective on dating dilemmas.)

Beinggirl
(Tons of info on periods, and any other body question you can think of!)

Ask Jess
(Self-esteem expert Jess Weiner gives thoughtful advice on body image and self-esteem issues.)

xoxo
The Fab Gal

Where do you turn for advice? Got any suggestions for Fab advice sources? Leave a comment to let me know.

Making Bad Days Better

2010-05-19T11:39:00.006-05:00

Hello Fab Gals!

Yep, we've all been there. Sometimes it's because of a break-up, or drama with friends, or stress from school, family, and everything else you've got going on. Or sometimes, there might not really be a reason at all. And when you do have a bad day, it can make you feel like crawling into a hole and just giving up. But bad days are really when you need to take care of yourself the most. Here are some FG-approved tips for getting through:

Find The One. No, I'm not talking about searching for Mr. Right (although that certainly would help, wouldn't it?). I'm talking about the one person you can come to when you're facing a challenge or just feeling down. It can be anybody you trust - a sister, parent, teacher, BFF or school counselor. But having even just one person that you can turn to when you're feeling down can make a big difference.
Do something... When it feels like everything in your day has gone wrong, it's like the only thing you want to do is slide into bed and hide under the covers. But doing something active that you enjoy - be that jogging, baking, sewing, or even going for a walk around the mall - keeps your body and mind occupied. Also, talking on a small challenge, like cleaning up your room or working on a project, reminds you that you really can do anything.
...then do nothing. When you're feeling down, you really need a little pick-me-up. Find something that you love to do - reading magazines, listening to music, writing in your journal, taking a bubble bath - and do it. No questions asked.
Remember the positives... This one is the hardest for me (but probably also the most important). Bad days often end up feeling way worse when we spend time thinking about things that went wrong, like a fight with a friend. But even if everything went completely wrong that day, there are other positives - things you are grateful for, challenges you've overcome in the past, and things you're looking forward to. Try to take a minute to delight in those things.
...and that you're not alone. Thankfully, there are many happy and successful Fab Gals out there that have lived through a bad day (or week or month) and come through, maybe even stronger than before. And for any one person who's brought you down in a day, there really are many more who want the best for you. Including your fellow FGs. So hang in there, baby.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

FGs in the Media: The Today Show No Make-Up Zone

2010-05-13T10:32:00.004-05:00

Hey FGs!

Just wanted to give you an update on something very Fab going on in the news world today. On the Today morning news show, hosts Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb decided to host a "No Make-Up Zone." The two ladies hosted the entire show au naturel - no make-up whatsoever! It was awesome to see two Fab women stand up for real beauty and bare their "flaws" on national television (they looked beautiful just as they are, of course). If you missed it, check out this vid:

Kathie Lee, Hoda go au naturel!

xoxo

The Fab Gal

What do you think of the "No Make-Up Zone"? Would you like to see more celebs go make-up free? Do you need make-up to feel comfortable? Leave a comment to share your thoughts!

Secrets of a Cover Girl

2010-05-10T12:21:00.007-05:00

Hey FGs!

I have always loved magazines. And I have always thought that being on the cover of one would be a dream. I can just picture it... Going to a super-exclusive studio, having a whole wardrobe of clothes picked out just for you, snapping lots of glamorous pics, and then heading to a fancy restaurant to do an interview for your cover story. That would have to be so fab, right? Being a cover girl, you would know you've really made it. But then I read this quote by Miley Cyrus:

"I told my mom, 'I'm not buying another magazine until I can get past this thought of looking like the girl on the cover.' She said, 'Miley, you are the girl on the cover,' and I was, like, I know, but
I don't feel like that girl every day.' You can't always feel perfect."

That's so crazy to think about. I guess I always thought girls who had it all - you know, being a mega-successful TV actress/movie star/singer - would know it, too. You'd think that being the superstar on the cover would make you feel super-confident. And Miley's not the only one. Pink, the tough-as-nails pop star, told a magazine she's okay with the fact that she's not a "cover girl" - when she was on the cover herself!

I'm not telling you this to make you feel less confident. Oh, if the real cover girls don't feel beautiful, how can I ever feel that way myself? The opposite is true. In fact, you could be struggling with cover girl blindness yourself, like Miley or Pink - not seeing yourself as beautiful/smart/talented/amazing as you are, even when signs say it's true. When you're feeling down, facing a challenge, or having an off day, it's easy to believe that any negative thoughts or self-doubts you have are true, that you really aren't good enough. That's when you have to remember that your thoughts don't always represent the beautiful truth - that you are Fab just how you are. Cover girls don't always feel like cover girls. And sometimes, Fab Gals don't feel like Fab Gals.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

As, always, I can be reached by comment below or by e-mail at fabgalsite@gmail.com.

Fab Words from Fab Gals

2010-05-02T20:04:00.008-05:00

Hey FGs!

You always hear it's important to listen to your heart, and follow your own voice. But some days, when you're not feeling so confident, it can be hard to know what your voice is even saying, or maybe it's even telling you something negative - I can't do this. I'm not good enough. On those days, it's okay to listen to someone else, and let another Fab Gal (or guy) lead you back to the road of confidence. This week, I'm going to let some other FGs do the talking. Hopefully, they can inspire you to embrace your uniqueness, take control... and dance.

"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm... As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others." - Audrey Hepburn

"Never dull your shine for somebody else." - Tyra Banks

"It isn't until you come to a spiritual understanding of who you are - not necessarily a religious feeling, but deep down, the spirit within - that you can begin to take control." - Oprah Winfrey

"Be yourself always, there's no one better!" - Selena Gomez

"We delight in the beauty of a butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." - Maya Angelou

"If you're lucky enough to be different from everybody else, don't change." - Taylor Swift

"I used to think you had to be like everybody else to succeed. But I learned people will love you for you. The key is to be comfortable in your own skin. You have to love yourself." - Jordin Sparks

"To dance confident in fringe panties when you're five-four with cellulite is a great thing." - Drew Barrymore

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Confidence Star: Lady Gaga

2010-04-25T14:18:00.005-05:00

Hey FGs!

People say that there are no good role models out there in Hollywood. And it's true that celebs can get into self-destructive patterns of dieting, drugs, and partying that definitely don't reflect the confident chicas they could be. That is why I admire Lady Gaga.

I know what you might be thinking. Umm, what? That girl who wore the dress made out of Kermit dolls? It's true, her outfits can be a little out there. Way out there. But even if you don't want to walk in her platform heels, there are a few lessons in confidence that you can learn from Lady G:

You shouldn't be afraid to be you... even if that means turning heads. Sure, I didn't understand her fashion choices at first. Okay, maybe I still don't. But what I do understand is this - she wears what she wants because it makes her happy. She could tone it down to get more fans (and a few less stares), but she knows that fashion is her choice, and she doesn't have to change for anybody.
Even if you don't feel so great now, things will change. Before she was the fearless star she is now, Lady Gaga had her share of struggles. In high school, she wasn't so confident in her looks, and she got teased a lot by the other girls in her school. Crazy, right? Now, she's got a mega-successful album, magazine covers, and loads of fans that look up to her and love her music. Things were not always perfect for her, but she worked through it and used her negative experiences to achieve her dreams.
Using your powers for good is the ultimate confidence booster. Now that she's on top of the music industry and making headlines, Lady Gaga uses that fame to bring attention to causes that matter to her. She's used her quirky fashion sense and beauty know-how to design a lipstick and raise awareness on HIV and AIDS through the M.A.C. Viva Glam campaign. And now that she's comfortable in her own skin, she wants to share that with others. "When I say to you, there is nobody like me and there never was, that is a statement I want every woman to feel and make about themselves."

So even if you never wear a bubble dress or add "Poker Face" to your playlist, you can take this away from Lady Gaga: No matter what anyone says, being you is powerful. Don't turn that down for anyone.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

A Little Less Perfect, A Little More Happy

2010-04-11T16:38:00.005-05:00

Hey FGs!

Part of being a Fab, confident chica is being driven - having big dreams, and wanting to make them all come true. Maybe you want to have lots of friends, start a new fashion trend, be the next T-Swift guitar cutie, or even run for president! And it's true - the only way to achieve your dreams is to believe in yourself and put in the hard work it takes to make them real.

There's something else that's important, too. Sometimes it's easy to feel like you have to get it all right - school, friends, family, boys, beauty - or to feel like you just aren't quite enough. Of course, you could do everything totally amazing and top-notch, you if wanted. I don't doubt that. But part of having confidence is realizing you don't have to get everything perfectly 24/7. Sometimes it's better to give yourself a break, and to realize you're doing just fine the way you are. Sometimes it's better to be a little less perfect, and a little more happy.

So keep dreaming big - set your goals high and know that you have the power to reach them. But don't forget that sometimes, it's okay to take a break, ask for help, or even to stumble or fall on your face. Imperfections are what make you so real - and so Fab.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

FG Approved: L.A. Candy

2010-04-04T21:52:00.003-05:00

Hey FGs!

So much Fab, so little time. I thought I'd share one of my latest Fab finds with you - L.A. Candy, the new novel by Lauren Conrad. Now, some of my friends teased me when I first picked this book up. How could a reality star write a read-worthy novel? But of course, I believe in giving everything a shot once, so I wasn't ashamed to keep the pages turning.

And you know what? So worth it. First of, it is the perf juicy pre-summer read - behind the scenes and in the real lives of four 19 year-old girls who get cast in a reality show about their lives in L.A. It's fun to get an idea of what it's really like on the other side of the screen.

But even more than that, I think there was a little more heart to the story than one would expect. See, for me, I totally related to Jane Roberts, the quiet, sweet, and often self-conscious chica of the "L.A. Candy" crew. Her best friend Scarlett is awesome - beautiful and smart, with the perf amount of attitude - but sometimes Jane feels like she's in her shadow. Until the unexpected happens, and a spot on the reality show gives her a place to shine.

So I'm not saying that being on a reality show is my dream (well, not my only dream anyway). But I thought this book showed that every girl has a fitting place somewhere. We're all different, so we all get to stand out in our own way, whether we're loud, sassy, soft-spoken, cautious... or a little bit of all of the above.

So what do you think, Fab Gal? Have you checked out L.A. Candy? What books are totally Fab to you, and who are your fave characters? Leave a comment to let me know.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

The Fab Gal Confidence Playlist

2010-03-28T12:11:00.005-05:00

Hey Fab Gals!

This week I'm gonna give ya the top six songs on my ultimate confidence playlist. Music is totally powerful - it can express how you're feeling, and pick you up when you're feeling down. These songs are all about making you feel absolutely Fab. So grab some headphones and turn up the volume!

1. "Don't Stop Believin' " - Glee Cast
Sing this one at the top of your lungs and you'll feel better in an instant. Promise.

2. "Single Ladies" - Beyonce
Whether you have a BF or not, this one's a good reminder that you deserve to be respected for the FG you are.

3. "Into the Rush" - Aly & AJ
An oldie but goodie. This one always reminds me you can jump into any challenge.

4. "Believe in Me" - Demi Lovato
The ultimate confidence song. The title says it all.

5. "Change" - Taylor Swift
Taylor has had an amazing year - she knows all about how things can change for the better.

6. "Make Some Noise" - Hannah Montana
Hannah's music has always been about confidence and being true to yourself. She may just be another side of Miley, but her music is so FG.

So FGs, what would be on your confidence playlists? What artists and songs make you feel totally Fab? Give me a comment to share your thoughts.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

We're Bringing Fab Back

2010-03-21T15:03:00.004-05:00

Hey FGs!

So I have a little confession to make here: sometimes, I don't feel much like the Fab Gal. I mean, I've always thought it was important to believe in yourself and be confident in who you are. That's why I came here in the first place. But lately, that whole confidence thing has been hard for me. Like, way hard.

But the thing is, for me anyway, when you don't have that confidence, it makes it harder to do lots of things. It's harder to make decisions (chocolate or vanilla? flip-flops or cowboy boots?), to say how you feel (I can't tell ya how many times I changed my mind on this post!)... it's harder to really enjoy all the great things you've got.

Anyways, enough about me! I don't want to be a downer. But what I wanted to tell you is this - if you've ever been there, been down on yourself, feeling a little less than Fab - you're not alone. That's just part of growing, of being a Fab Gal who wants to be the best she can be. And the good thing is, the power to change that is all inside of you. And we can work together.

So if you need a little confidence boost, or just want to celebrate how Fab you are, you're in the right place. I believe in you... and you deserve to believe in you too. We could all use a little more Fab in our lives.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

As always, you can reach me here, by comment, or by e-mail at fabgalsite@gmail.com. I'm always there when you need me.

Oh, Hello There

2010-01-23T11:17:00.003-06:00

Hello Fab Gals!

It's been a while. Between homework and crushes, practices and girl time, we've been busy, for sure. You know, I think we've even grown and changed a little.

But you know what? Some things never change. Friends, boys, figuring out you... it's all still important. And at times, a little tricky. It's time we got back together and started talking about it. It's time for a comeback.

So check back soon. I think we're going to shake things up a little around here... maybe some Q&As, new topics, and FG-approved books, movies, and more. But I promise, it will be just as Fab as ever. You deserve the best.

Lots of love,

xoxo

The Fab Gal

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself." - Anna Quindlen

You've Got What I Want

2009-10-19T22:26:00.005-05:00

There she is. That Girl. She's drop-dead gorgeous, and she has a wardrobe you'd be equally willing to die for. Or maybe it's not so much a physical thing. Maybe she's got a way of working a crowd, or straight-A's you just can't quite ever spell out. But you're pretty sure she's got Everything (or at least, Everything You Want). Yep. You think you would almost hate her for it. Except that you never could. She's your best friend.

Whenever we talk about envy, and wanting something that someone else has, we always imagine that people will aspire to what a supermodel or somebody on TV has. And maybe sometimes, in our wildest dreams, we do. But a lot of times, the things we truly want are more real. So what happens if we become maybe a little envious of our sister, our cousin, or our BFF?

If we were talking about a celebrity or even a girl at school we don't know, it's easy to just shake it off and imagine that maybe she hasn't really earned all the good things she's got, that it's just not fair. But when it's a person you love, it just feels horrible. You know they should have great things. Why can't you just be happy for them? What's wrong with you, anyway?

The one thing I've figured is this: it just doesn't help. Being envious, wanting what someone else has, doesn't not make you a bad person. Not at all. But it will never make you feel very good, or even help get you where you want to be (because believe it or not, feeling bad doesn't make us work any harder). Most of all, it will make it harder for you to feel good for that person and enjoy them like you deserve. Because both of you deserve that.

So try, try, try to remember that when you are in the envy zone. Because really, there are no comparisons. We're all different, and we all have different things at different times. But we really are all Fab Gals. I really believe that. You've just got to remember that you'll get where you want to be. You'll just have to do it your own way.
xoxo

The Fab Gal

Saturday Night Blues

2009-09-05T22:03:00.004-05:00

Hey FGs!

So you know those nights... it's a Saturday, and pretty much everyone is O-U-T. But you? You're sitting at home, wondering what to do. And maybe thinking that you'd give anything to have better plans right now. And also maybe that you must be a complete and total loser to be sitting at home on a Saturday.

Well, I'll confess - that's where I am at right now. Me and my BFF, actually. And as much as I love to hang with her, for a second there I was thinking, Wait, why are we here right now, a Saturday night with nothing to do? What is wrong with us?

And I think you have a few options on a night like this: you can totally freak out about why you don't have a date/party/whatever to go. Or you can just... enjoy it. Because, and I am absolutely sure of this, you are not the only one to ever get the Saturday Night Blues. It's just one of those things that happens, like colds or bad hair days. Except that it can actually be a good thing. Believe it or not, it can be actually kind of wonderful to have some time to do whatever you want. It doesn't happen all the time in your crazy-busy life, so why not enjoy it?

So I am reading a magazine, putting on a face mask, and eating pickles. Because that's what I want to do. I'll save my cute dress for another wonderful Saturday.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Do You Believe in Magic?

2009-08-25T20:10:00.004-05:00

Hello FGs!

Sometimes, I wish I had magic. You know, like Alex Russo or Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Sounds crazy, I know. But think about it - then, whenever I got a little off track, I could think of a spell, wave my wand, and Bam! Problem solved. Bad hair days, gone. Embarrassing moments, none. And hey, while I was at it, I'd have no homework, a new wardrobe, and Prince Charming in aviators at my doorstep.

And don't get me wrong - I wouldn't be selfish with it. If a friend needed me, I would be there in a second. I mean, witches and wizards don't have to worry about travel time, right? Yep, it seems like my life would be pretty darn perfect.

But no matter how hard I wish (and I've been doing that a lot lately), magic isn't something I am going to have. What I can have, though, is choices. I have the choice to forgive my mistakes, learn my lessons, and move on. I have to choice to not let disappointments get me down for too long. I have the choice to make changes, try new things, or keep everything just the same. It's not perfect, but it's real. And it's exciting. Because one thing I know for sure is this: If you stop wishing for perfection, magic in life does happen, in pretty amazing ways. And that's worth the wait.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

This Could Be OUR Year

2009-08-18T21:21:00.003-05:00

Hey Fab Gals!

So, I know I have been MIA for the last week. I just have a major amount of stuff to get ready before its time to hit the books again. Yep, it's time to ring in the new (school) year. Going back to school can be a lot of things. Stressful. Exciting. Busy. Or maybe you're totally dreading the end of the lazy summer days.

Secretly, I have always kind of loved going back to school. It just seemed like there are so many possibilities - new friends, new adventures, new clothes, new crushes. Then, by about half way through the year, I am usually sick of school all over again.

And it's true, there's a lot of not-so-great parts about school. Loads of homework. Earlier curfew. Blah Mondays. Lunch room drama. Yikes. You just never know when a book report or hallway rumor is going to come around and hit you in the face. But then, you never really know when something great is going to happen either.

Okay, so I'm really not trying to be a total bummer. What I'm trying to say is this: Sure, school can be totally lame. But you can't just overlook all of the great parts about it, like seeing your friends, playing your fave sports, and becoming an even more Fab version of you. You just never know what kinds of great things will happen by time the last bell rings. So don't forget to enjoy it.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

PS - Check out these fun sites:

GL's Ultimate Countdown to Class

Seventeen Back-to-School Blowout

Broken Up, But Not Broken

2009-08-08T20:42:00.002-05:00

Hello FGs!

Okay, so maybe I can't tell you which guys are the good guys and which ones are the bad boys, or if it even matters anyway. But I do know this much: When it comes to break-ups, they always hurt, no matter what kind of guy it is. You've probably heard lots of heartbreak remedies: double chocolate-chocolate chip ice cream, burning the memories, GNOs, and lots of tears. All of those things might work for a bit. But I want to give you a few new ideas, that just might get you through a little bit easier... and maybe with a few less regrets.

Let the Music Play. Music has amazing powers. Maybe even more so than chocolate. You can always find a song that fits what you're feeling. It's an amazing thing to hear Taylor (or Miley or Ashley or whoever you love) sing your heart out. So find some tunes, close the door, and just listen.
Keep Your Distance. After a big breakup or nasty fight, you can be fuming with things to say to that nasty so-and-so. But before you hit "send" or go banging down his door, wait. It probably won't help, and you need to give both of you a chance to clear your head. So hold onto those thoughts for a week. Then you'll know what you really want to say.
Put Out the Fire. You've heard "Picture to Burn," right? Well, that can sound like a totally awesome and rebellious way to get him out of your system, fast. Pictures, lovey-dovey notes, his old sweatshirt... you want it all gone, and fast. But please, do this for me: hold onto a couple of those souvenirs. Someday, way, way down the road, you just might miss having a few memories from that someone who once meant a lot.
Do it Your Way. Everyone has their own way of dealing with tough stuff. Some people like to journal, write songs, run, talk with friends, or spend some time alone. Or maybe even all of the above. Whatever works for you, do it. Give yourself time (and permission) to scream, cry, think and feel whatever you need to feel. It really will help you move on in the end.
And, like always, Love Yourself. Break-ups suck. But don't ever beat yourself up for it, no matter what anyone says or does. Be thankful for the experience. When you're ready, life will move on with you. No matter how broken up you feel now, it really will be alright.

I mean, come on, you're a Fab Gal!

So, FGs, I want to know - how do you deal with break-ups? What advice would you give to a friend going through one? Leave a comment to share your FG tips!

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Nice Guys Finish Last

2009-08-05T12:05:00.004-05:00

Hey FGs!

So I was reading this interview with Robert Pattinson about Twilight and dating, and he said this: "With virtually anyone, the nice guys always seem to finish last." He also said that if Edward was a real person, he'd probably be like an axe murderer or something (?!?). Now, while that last statement is certainly a cause for question, I'm not even gonna go there.

But then, I was watching the new episode of "10 Things I Hate About You" (my new fave!) and Bianca was once again totally clueless as to how much Cameron, her nice-guy BGF is in love with her, while she has to resist the charm of the dumb, wannabe-model football player. And I was thinking, Oh Bianca, if you only knew! Girls would be all over Cameron. You know, if he was a real person. But then I thought, maybe not. Maybe R. Pattz is right. Could it be true that, when it comes to dating, nice guys lose out?

I would hate to think that that's true. I mean, considering so many girls worry that guys pass up good girls for superficial reasons, it would totally suck to think that we almost do the same thing. I mean, bad boys and flirty fellas are fun, for sure. But girls are smart enough to know what's right?

So I don't know if it's really true or not. Maybe it is sometimes. I think we girls like who we like, and sometimes it's a this type of guy and sometimes it's someone else. But the most important thing is this: Know when a guy isn't nice enough (aka treats you right) to be worth your time. Because there is someone out there who will treat you right. Whether he fits the "nice guy" bill or not.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Here We Go Again

2009-08-02T12:08:00.003-05:00

Hello Fab Gals!

So, a new school year is almost here. Just a few weeks, or maybe even a few days (yikes!) away for some of us. Now, you may not be at all excited for homework and early mornings, but there are ways to make the transition a little bit easier (and more fun, too).

Get organized. By the end of the year, when it's time to clean out lockers, you're probably doing the "Huh, so that's where that went!" Okay. But starting out with a clean slate makes at least the first few weeks a little easier and stress-free. So clean out your folders, recycle all those old papers, and get ready to go.
Make it you. Some classes are a total snooze. There's not much magic you can pull to change that. But you can always liven up your stuff. Pull out Sharpies and stickers, make a collage, and decorate your binders and book covers. Your math notebook suddenly got a lot prettier.
Sleepover! I just love sleepovers, and any reason to have one is good with me. But especially if you and your buds have been far apart over the summer, now is so the time. You'll have a lot to catch up on before the bell rings. Plus, who better to give you input on your first day outfit?
And, as always, have fun. The first day is tomorrow, whether you like it or not, so use your last day how you want. Give yourself a mani and a new 'do, hit the pool one last time, or just lounge around and do nothing at all.

It's a shame to see summer go, but the school year's got it's bright spots, too. So enjoy the last of summer, and get ready to shine in the new year. I'll be here with ya for the whole thing.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

I'm Wanna Be Pop-u-lar

2009-07-27T17:14:00.002-05:00

Hey FGs!

I just finished a fabulous book, How to Be Popular, by Meg Cabot (my fave author!). Basically, it was about a girl named Steph, who had always been on the outside (along with her BFFs). Then she finds a book on, you guessed it, how to be popular. Suddenly, she's got an in with the A-crowd. She has everything she ever wanted... until she realizes that maybe it's not what she wanted at all.

Is it so bad to want to be popular? It's not bad to want people to like us, right? I do know for sure there was a time when I would have done anything for a book like the one Steph finds. You know, if it would really work out like that. It's not like I didn't like the friends I had. I just thought my life would be that much better if I was the girl that everyone loved, that everyone wanted to be friends with.

Popularity is a tricky thing. Sometimes it seems like, "Oh, if I just had the right outfit/got invited to the right party/say the right thing, then I will be popular." Maybe it's like that. Or maybe it's just luck. But whatever way you get it, it can go away just as fast. And sometimes, the thing you think will make you happy, was not what you imagined at all. What is really worthwhile is finding those friends that actually will be there for you, no matter what. Whether they are popular or not, it doesn't really matter. But finding people you love to be with, that's what's really gonna make you smile.

A new school year is coming quick. And maybe this year can be your year. No, not your year to be the most popular chica in school. But the year to try new things, make real friends, and figure out you. I can't guarantee everyone will love you, but if you can stop worrying about everyone else, you will definitely love you. For sure.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Are We There Yet?

2009-07-17T19:35:00.004-05:00

Hey FGs!

The bags are packed, the car is running - family vacation time. Oh, boy. As much as you love the fam, sometimes the idea of spending days away with them can be overwhelming, to say the least. But no stress. You can definitely survive... and maybe even have a little fun.

Don't Forget.... Shoes, check. Swimsuit, check. You've got the basics, but make sure when you're packing in to throw in a few personal comforts, whether it's a new book you just started, your fave CD, or a special blanket. It will help you relax if you're feeling a little stressed out.
Ask and You Will Receive... Hitting your limits on family time? See if you can (nicely) negotiate a little beach time or moment in the hotel to be by yourself. Having a little alone time to recharge might just be what you need. Sometimes you just need to speak up.
Look Ahead... You want me to go where?? Not digging the place your rents picked? So maybe you are more of a city girl, and they've planned a trip in the good 'ol outdoors. See if you can do a little research about your vacay spot before you leave. Find out what kind of stuff they've got that you would enjoy to do there. You might find out they have something you, and your family, can all have a good time doing.
Wish You Were Here... So your parents aren't letting you bring your cell phone, let alone your whole crew. Yep, you're gonna miss them. Make some time to grab some postcards to send to your girls, or get some silly pics you know your BFF would love. It might not be the same without them, but at least you'll have something to share when you get back.

And most importantly...

Laugh! Chances are mom or dad, or maybe one of your li'l sibs will embarrass you at some point during the trip. No, actually not chances. They most definitely will. There is nothing in your powers to stop them. You might as well laugh, and enjoy the little comedy crew you call your family.

Are you going on vacation, FG? How do you make it rock? Let me know the scoop, either here or at Twitter or Myspace. Wishing you super summer vacays, whether you're heading out or staying home!

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Invasion of the Body Blamer

2009-07-11T18:42:00.002-05:00

Hey FGs!

You know, you would really think that crying into a pair of denim shorts on the floor in Penney's would be the low point of my day. Definitely might have been the crazy point. But I'm actually kinda glad it happened, because it reminded me of something I've learned lately.

We all have times when we're down or out or just not, I don't know... where we want to be, I guess. Maybe we're not really sad, but we just have a lot of questions. Is today a good day? What's going to happen this school year? Am I beautiful enough, good enough, or just enough? Those can be really, really big questions. And when you look around, it's hard to tell what the right answer is. So sometimes it can be easy to look in the mirror, and use our body as the physical proof.

Whatever flaw it is you see - a size label too big, hair too curly, whatever - that can seem like the answer. Of course I'm not good enough - I've gained weight. I can see it right there in the mirror! Can't hide from that, right?

Maybe. Or maybe you're just not seeing it all. Because that quick glance is not the straight answer. How do I know? Well, I know this much - you never quite see yourself, like literally, physically, how you are. You are so much more beautiful than that one flaw. On top of that, questions like who you are or what the future holds just don't have easy answers like that. Even if you want to know right now if you are good enough or if everything will turn out alright, well you're just gonna have to wait. Wait, and try new things, and explore. That's how you figure things out.

So if you start taking the body-blaming road, take it easy. Because you deserve the chance to get a better answer. A real answer.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Mean Girls Isn't Just a Movie on TV

2009-07-06T09:28:00.005-05:00

Hello FGs!

When you're in a sitch with a bully or a whole crew of Mean Girls, it's hard to know what to do or how to react. You might think about fighting back, winning 'em over, or running for the hills. But the best thing to do? Keep a cool head, as best as you can, and follow these FG rules:

Know Your True Friends - Not everyone will be a good friend to you. That's just reality. A real friend wouldn't make fun of your looks, spread rumors about you, make plans and purposely disinvite you, or do anything to hurt you on purpose. It's better to just let them go. Even if you know of just one real BFF, it's better than having a whole crew of people who don't really have your back.

Speak Up - If you're dealing with lotsa negativity on a daily basis, let somebody know what you're going through. You don't need to feel like a "tattle." But just finding someone outside of all the drama - an older sib, mom, a teacher - will at least give you someone to vent to, and you'll know you're not alone. They may even have some good ideas for how to deal.

Don't Bite Back - It doesn't matter who started it. It doesn't matter if she's just pure evil behind blonde hair and a Juicy Couture tracksuit. It's so not worth damaging your own rep. Fight fire with fire, and you're gonna get hurt.

Keep Your Chin Up - Demi had her acting, and Taylor had songwriting. Finding something you like to do as a healthy way to let out your emotions and lift your spirits will help you stay strong. Being picked can make you feel really icky, and in the moment of it, you feel like there must be something wrong with you. There's not. Don't let them bring you down. You are good enough.

Say "I'm Sorry" - If you have been gossiping or teasing, think about if you've maybe taken it a little too far. It may be having a bigger impact on people than you think. It doesn't mean you're a horrible, terrible person. You are in control of how you treat people, and you have the ability to turn things around.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Bully?

2009-07-01T12:54:00.004-05:00

I'm back, Fab Gals!

When someone says "bully," it makes you picture some dude big biceps, standing in the corner of the playground, ready to pummel the little guys for their pudding. But here in the real girl world, bullies are a little harder to identify from the outside. That's what you see in the cartoons, anyway. However, they do exist, and even without major muscle power, they can cause some serious damage.

Bullying can mean physical harm, like pushing or punching, but it can also look a little differently. Spreading rumors, kicking someone out of the group, nasty text messages. The worst part is that it doesn't often people think it's "normal" teen behavior. In fact, the girls getting picked on usually blame themselves. They become sure that it was their fault, that maybe if they were prettier/cooler/smarter/more perfect, this wouldn't be happening to them.

Would you believe that Demi Lovato was bullied? It's true. In fact, it went all the way from teasing to a nasty "We hate Demi" campaign by kids at her school. Like a lot of girls in that sitch, she began to blame herself. "Everyone was saying it's jealously, and blah, blah," Demi said. "The worst part is, I didn't believe it because I didn't think I was worthy of someone being jealous of me. Looking back, that must have been it. But I always pinned it on myself and said there must have been something I did wrong."

This kind of girl bullying can be common, and it can take many forms. It can also be way damaging. It can make you feel worthless, and really stick with you a long time. But let me tell you a little story about a girl named Taylor. At school, she was ditched by her crew, who went on to teasing her and her love of country music. She was absolutely miserable. But one day, miss Taylor Swift became a star. At one of her concerts, those former friends "showed up, wearing my T-shirts and asking me to sign their CDs. It was bittersweet, because it made me realize that they didn't remember being mean to me and that I needed to forget about it, too."

When you're in the moment of it, bullying can really get under your skin and make you question yourself. It can feel like the end of your world. But it's so not. That's why I love T & D's stories, because it's absolute proof that this isn't the end. Not for you.

So let's call this the FG Anti-Bullying week. Or maybe Pro-Friend week? Because, whether you've been a victim or even a bully yourself, we can get past it.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Check out more of Demi Lovato's story and Taylor Swift's story.

Here's What's Up...

2009-06-23T10:05:00.004-05:00

Hey Ladies!

So just a quick FG FYI for you - I am going away tomorrow for (another) trip for a little time with my BFF. I am SO excited! Anyways, that means I will probably be without a computer (yikes!) until next Wednesday. If I can find some Internet access, I will try to post some new stuff, but if not, I'll be back next Wednesday, July 1st!

Love and xoxo

The Fab Gal

PS - While I'm gone, you can keep up with me at these other sites, too!

Twitter

Youtube

Myspace

GirlsLife

Feeling Unfabulous

2009-06-22T13:37:00.002-05:00

Hey FGs!

Isn't it funny that, whenever we have big events in life, looks become a Big Deal? Like when there's a school dance, and you save up lotsa magazines and cash to snag the best dress and 'do. Or maybe it's spring break, and you want a pre-Florida glow, or school pics day, and spot-free skin becomes a necessity. The way you look in the mirror becomes high priority.

This last weekend was a Big Deal for me. I was going to stay over with one of my BFFs, in the small town where she lives. It may not sound that glamorous, but we'd been planning it for a way long time, and it was gonna be awesome. We were gonna go see all the cute little-town highlights, hang out in the park, even go to a rodeo! It was all picture-perfect in my head.

Until the week of the big trip came. I got a few teeth pulled, and my face was... well, a little puffy. No, not a little. It was chipmunk-crazy. How could I even bear to show my face? But I couldn't bail on my bud. So I went. But on our first day out, I pulled on some jean shorts, and... oh, shoot. The button wouldn't go together. Normally, I would go through everything I should and shouldn't have eaten over the last two weeks, and figure out just exactly why this body blunder was happening. But I didn't have time. I threw everything out of my bag, but I didn't pack much, and my only other option was cut-off sweats. What to do?

This was supposed to be my weekend! I was gonna have a fab time with my BFF, try some new things, and meet a cowboy cutie! I can't do that with chubby cheeks and cutoffs! But then I took a deep breath. Okay. So, I wasn't gonna look absolutely fabulous and perfect this weekend. But I was not going to miss out on a minute of the fun I wanted to have. So I pulled on my favorite tie-dye tank top, some flip-flops, and walked out the door.

It's totally normal to want to look our best. It makes us feel confident and good about ourselves. So, of course, when we're nervous, or excited, or wondering if we're gonna dance with that cutie or if we'll have a good vacation, we want to know that things will go well. But you know, I now know for sure that, even if you're not looking your absolute best, you can still have fun. It's all about attitude. That doesn't mean you can't spend your summer planning the perf first-day-of-school outfit. Just remember that attitude is what will really make you shine.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

The Late Bloomers' Club

2009-06-19T10:59:00.001-05:00

Hey FGs!

There are lots of big mile-markers on the road to growing up. And of course, as your moms and dads and teachers tell you, well all make it there in our own time, at our own pace.

Not that it's a race or anything, but sometimes when your the last in your crew to experience something, it can make you feel kinda left out, maybe even embarrassed. Whether it's having your first job, getting your period, going to camp away from home, or - ouch - maybe you still have your membership to the "NBK Club" (I think the name for it makes it seems that much worse). It might not seem like a big deal at all, till your at a sleepover and everyone's gushing about their first BFs or the first time they used a tampon. Sure, even if it's something kinda gross, it can make you feel like you've got nothing to share. Or, gulp, is there something wrong with you? Why are you so behind?

And it can go the other way, too - being the first for some things can make you feel like an outsider. But you've got options. You can just make something up - "Oh I know, my first kiss was amazing!" But sooner or later, that fib will probably catch up with ya. Some girls, when they feel left behind, will try to go out and do something to make themselves feel or look older, like dating an older guy or drawing on extra liner and lip gloss. But that's just pretend. It won't really make you feel better. Or you can just try to blend into the background, and say nothing at all. Maybe nobody will really even notice.

Okay, so none of those options are really that awesome. Believe me, I've seen them all play out, and they don't work. So here's option #4: Own it. Own your own story. Now, you don't need to go out and buy an NBK Club t-shirt. But you need to be, at least with yourself, okay with where you're at. It will be a relief, and it will make that first whatever feel okay, because you will know that in your story, it came at just the right time.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

One and the Same

2009-06-17T11:00:00.005-05:00

Hey Fab Gals!

Summer time can equal mega free time, maybe hanging out with friends and laying by the pool, chilling at the mall, or having slumber parties and movie marathons. Still, other things, like stayaway camp, looong family vacays, or even moves to new cities can mean lots time away from your BFF during the sunny days. So what's a girl to do? Lemme give you a few FG ideas:

Pencil it in. If you're both gonna be uber-busy, plan ahead a little chunk of time each week where you can catch up with a phone call or IM sesh each week. It will keep you both in each other's scheds, so you won't have to worry about forgetting (or being forgotten).
Plan some hang time. Is there a summer movie you've both wanted to see, or a TV show you both dig? Well if you plan on watching it at the same time, you can call/text each other up during the commercials. Sure, not the same as being together, but it'll be fun to know you've made some time to "hang out," even though you can't really be together. The perf BFF flick this summer? Princess Protection Program Disney, starring real-life BFFs Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez. Check it out on Friday, June 26th!
Snail-mail it. Sure, maybe texting, Facebook, and Myspace mean insta-connection. But you can do that with anyone. See if you can get your BFFs address (at home, camp, or wherever she'll be) and send her some letters postcards, or even fun mix CDs through the mail. Believe me, she'll absolutely love it, and it is so worth the wait!
Have a reunion party. Likely, you're gonna have lots to catch up on when you're back together. So plan ahead a sleepover for the weekend when you get back together. It will give you time to stay up late and chat, and you can look forward to it all summer!

Most of all, don't stress too much about having a lot of time apart. Chances are, it will help you both learn some new things about yourself, as well as remind you how special your friendship really is.

So how are your and your BFF spending this summer? What do you do when you're together? How do you stay in touch when you're apart? Leave a comment to let me know (see the instructions on the side if you don't know how!).

xoxo

The Fab Gal

It's Alright, It's Okay

2009-06-09T14:32:00.003-05:00

Hey Fab Gals!

You know, people always say that weaknesses are the hardest thing to admit. I don't think that's true. Not really. I think it's often a lot easier to admit what's wrong with you, than to own up to your positives. I think, at least sometimes, we tend to pay a lot more attention to our flaws, bad habits, whatever we don't like. We might not want to look our weaknesses straight in the face, but we can always feel them around us.

Weakness might not even be the right word for it. I don't think we're really too weak to overcome the "bad" parts of ourselves, be it nail-biting, worrying, being too loud, too loud, too quiet, bloodsucking... (okay, too much Twilight for me). Even if it's something physical. Willpower can be a pretty strong force. So can Botox.

Now, I don't want to sound like a cop-out, but, well, I'm thinking that maybe sometimes it's better to just accept your weaknesses for what they are. To own them as just proof that we are just real. Only human. I mean, I've learned that if I really push myself, not much can stop me. But still, I'm not sure today what good trying to fix everything and make myself "better" is actually getting me where I want to go anymore.

Having goals, moving forward, trying new things... it's how you grow. But a helpful part of that is focus. Knowing what's actually, like, a good goal and what's worth a "Ya know what? That's cool. That's just part of me right now." Letting it go might even make you feel more Fab than fixing it. Because you are so Fab, just as you are. Right now.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Hearts A-Twitter

2009-06-05T12:44:00.005-05:00

Hey FGs!
Taylor Swift does it from the studio, Demi Lovato does it to Perez Hilton, and David Archuleta does it before crawls into bed at night. Twittering. I'd been hearing a lot about it, how the whole world is "tweeting" these days. Except me, apparently I'll admit, I wasn't so into the idea at first. So you just, like, read what people are doing? Shouldn't I just worry about what I'm doing before I go around following everybody else?

But of course, I had to try it for myself. And it IS fascinating. I mean, you can keep up with what your friends - including, you know, Miley Cyrus and Jordin Sparks - are up to. And anyone with a phone can tweet from anywhere at any time. Not saying that you should, of course. But you could, if you wanted to.

So, I don't know. I can see why people say that maybe our technological connections have gone a little too far these days. But as long as you tweet nicely, I think it can be fun. I mean, staying in touch with celeb crushes 24/7? Count me in! You can keep up with my Twitter adventures at www.twitter.com/thefabgal.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Girls Like Us

2009-06-01T11:05:00.004-05:00

Hey FGs!

Sometimes, I think some girls have all the luck.

I was at this end-of-the-year party yesterday. It was hosted by a good friend of my BFF. I've met her a few times, and she's a cool chica - outgoing, fun, ambitious. Beautiful, too. At any rate, I do like parties, so I was excited to be there.

Me and my BFF were on the couch, watching the action unfold. Our hostess walked by with this gorgeous blonde guy, who, seriously, looked like something from an Abercrombie ad. She showed him the kitchen and then squeezed in between us and gushed, "Oh, did you see him?! He's the one who's helping me get a job at the mall. I like him SO much. But look - do you see that guy outside? He said he really likes me, too. But he's going home to Italy in two days! Gosh, and you remember my boyfriend, the one from Brazil? Well, we just broke up, on Tuesday." My mouth just about dropped. Really? I'd just like one cute American, thankyouverymuch. But that has to be downright unfair.

It reminded me of this advice column I read on GirlsLife.com. This girl was asking why boys never liked "girls like me." And without explanation, I knew what she meant by that. Whenever you think you don't have enough, it feels like you're not enough. Like you're some loser on your own little island, wondering why these things happen to "girls like you."

It doesn't even have to be about boys. It can be any way you feel like you don't measure up. Maybe you're the girl dying for designer duds, or the beautiful brunette lusting after long blonde locks. Whatever it might be, it hurts. You start to believe there really might be something wrong with you.

But maybe there's not really anything wrong with girls like you. Like us. Maybe we're just different. All of us. Like different types of shoes or different flavors of ice cream. Okay, maybe that doesn't make it feel any better. I don't know. Maybe it's just that, when you compare, of course you don't measure up. Because you're not the same at all. Comparing strawberry to mint chocolate chip doesn't work. And if strawberry tried to be more like mint chocolate chip, well, that would just be a nightmare. At the end of the day, you just have to work with what you've got. Because it's yours, for one reason or another. And it really is enough, whether you know that now or not.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever, have enough.” – Oprah Winfrey

Love Lessons From A Vampire

2009-05-29T15:11:00.005-05:00

Hello Fab Gals!

Now that summer is here, I've been indulging in some of my faves - shopping, laying in the sun, and of course, reading. My latest guilty pleasure: the Twilight series. If you've seen the movie, I promise, the books are even better (Edward Cullen is twice as gorgeous in my head). Anyways, not to give too much away, but I got to a high-drama point in the book: Bella comes to a crossroads, and even though she knows she made the right choice, she realizes her heart is really in two totally separate places. And it made me wonder, Is it possible that your heart never really lets go?

When I was little, I believed in The One. Mr. Right. A Prince Charming so perfect that he could make you forget every heartbreak, bad date, and all the crushes in-between. I thought you were given one true love, one soulmate. It might be possible. But the real world of dating, of love - it's all a little bit more complicated, I think. Sometimes we meet a few maybe-someday-Mr. Rights, and have to make some choices. Sometimes things just don't work out. And sometimes we do find Great Love, only to finish with a not-so-happy ending.

I so often hear people give advice to someone who has just gone through heartbreak like: "Time heals all wounds" or "You'll get over it soon enough" or even "Just forget him, already!" However, I've also learned that this advice is not only a bit of an extra burn, but it might not even be true at all. Maybe we never really have to "get over" someone, completely. Maybe there's no need to dump out every feeling we have for that person with their old sweatshirts and burned photographs. Maybe our hearts aren't made of limited-space-only. Maybe it's okay to leave that space, the memories, the love, and of course, the lessons, right where they are. Not erase it, but just see it for what it is. And maybe we can then trust once we get there, we'll know when we've found that one who deserves not only one place in our heart, but in our thoughts, our lives, and our hand.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Private Territory

2009-05-22T21:00:00.002-05:00

Hey FGs!

This is how absolutely confusing the diet/fashion world can be: I cracked open the new issue of Teen Vogue, and the Letter from the Editor was called "Heavy Stuff." It was talking about teen obesity, and said that "only about one percent of women in this country are anorexic. . . while obesity looms as perhaps our greatest national health crisis." So basically, she was saying that the real issue that needs to be worried about is teens being too big, not too small. Now, just on the very same page, one of the pictures showed two models described as "born beanpoles" skipping down the beach in swimsuits.

And I just don't think that you can say one of these weighty issues is more important than the other, or really even separate them out. Eating disorders can be harmful, and obesity can be a problem, too. But I think all of this crazy-focus, both on model bodies and on weight gain, can take things a little out of control. It's like we're on a national weight obsession, which can make managing your own changing body like walking through dynamite.

Your body is really your personal property. I think it is so hard to remember that when you turn on the TV or open a magazine, and all the body talk jumps out - Look at her! Eat this and be healthy! Be your best weight! - buy your body is absolutely and completely yours. Always remember that. At the end of the day, nobody can tell you how to look at it dress it, feed it or take care of it - it's all for you.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Put Down the Duck Tape, Back Away From the Cell Phone

2009-05-20T21:32:00.003-05:00

Hey Fab Gals!

Being a teenager, you get faced with a lot of difficult communication situations. Speaking to someone in a language you're just learning - difficult. Winning an argument with your parents - pretty hard. But getting a boy to understand you? Ouch. I think we have a winner. It's so strange. Even though girls are getting more chances to play with the big boys, it seems like we still reign from completely different universes.

T had broken up with her boyfriend. They left it open-ended, in that let's-be-friends-and-maybe-something-more-someday stage (dangerous territory, if you ask me). T tried to manage a friendly relationship, but her ex kept telling her that they shouldn't see each other at all. "What can I do?" she asked. "He's not listening to me!" She kept trying different ways of saying the same thing. And so did he. Things kept on a plane, but they both got more and more frustrated.

Of course, as she pointed out, there were options. She could spend hours crafting the perfect novel of a text message to say exactly what would make him understand that she wanted to be with him. Or, she could get her guy friend to duck tape him to a tree, so she could scream at him till she had enough. Both would be extreme (obviously) - but probably not effective.

See, I think of it like sunglasses. Everyone sees, or hears, things through their own filters. It's not just a boy-girl thing. I think that's what happens when people argue. We get so set on what we see or hear from someone that we don't exactly listen. Unfortunately, you can't force any boy (or any person) to see, hear, listen to, or understand you. At some point, it's probably best to just walk away. I promise, there's some Prince Charming out there dying to hang on your every word.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Bikini Nightmares!

2009-05-18T19:54:00.004-05:00

Hey Fab Gals!

So, I was looking up and down the mirror. Okay, the crazy, wet hair I could deal with. And the pink cheeks. It was kind of cute, really. My arms even looked a little bit tanner. But oh dear, my stomach. Did I really show everyone that much of my stomach? What was I thinking, at a party like that? Maybe that new diet wasn't such a bad idea after all...

Summer is here, almost. And that so often means swimsuit shopping. I don't know what it is about that chore that sends girls into a frenzy. Maybe it's the lights, or the extra skin, or a trick of the mirrors. I really couldn't tell you. Whatever the cause, Dressing Room Syndrome can make even a pretty confident chick rag on her body.

There may be no know cure for this problem. But I think there are a few things you can do to make it a little bit better. First, take care of yourself. Not like going on a diet - by enjoying the sun, eating well, and relaxing. It just makes your whole body and self feel better. Also, look at the whole picture. It seems like a lot of girls have one specific body par they don't like. And you know what, that's fine if you can't change your opinion of your thighs or shoulders right now. But remember, other people don't fixate on that one part. They see the whole you - the combination of all the good parts (plus the one you don't like so much), and that whole beauty is what makes you, you.

Last, think about how you see your best friend. You probably think she looks great in her suit, and would never tear her down for going out in public donned in a bikini. For example, one of my best friends has a scar on her stomach that is pretty much only in sight when she goes swimming. I never even thought that it would bother her until she told me how she didn't like that she knew people noticed it. I always thought it was kind of cool, and just made her seem more beautiful and strong and cool. So what I'm saying is, realize that whatever it is you don't like, might just seem totally lovable by someone else.

It might be a crazy time of year, but that can be a good thing! So get out there and have some fab adventures.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Confession Time

2009-05-15T12:12:00.002-05:00

Hello Fab Gals!

Okay, so I know I've been MIA for a while. Too long. Believe me, I definitely did not just forget about you all. Honestly, I just was starting to wonder if I really had anything good at all to say anymore.

I was starting to think that a year ago (just about when FG started!), that maybe then I knew what I was doing. Well, at least knew where I wanted to go. I'm not sure how true that was. But lately, it feels more like I'm walking around with a big question mark above my head. Questions, questions, questions. And unfortunately, no answers. I thought maybe, if I just stopped, the answers would just magically appear. Unfortunately, no luck there. And then I wondered, Who am I to give advice, when I can't seem to find answers anyway?

But you know what? That's me. That's my life. It may always be that way. Okay, I don't have the answers. But I'm willing to ask, and I'm willing to try. That's what matters. Most of all, I'm willing to help you, FG, in any way I can.

So, anyways, that means we will hopefully be back in action for the summer - keep your eye out for new updates in FG world! And, as always, you can reach me by comment, by Myspace, or by e-mail at fabgalsite@gmail.com.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Taking the Long Way

2009-05-04T11:26:00.002-05:00

Hey FGs!

It's almost the end of the school year, and summer will be here soon. And while that's usually an exciting thing, lately I can't help but feel... kinda disappointed. Not because I just love school that much, and don't want to leave. But because, well, this year just didn't quite go as I had hoped.

I think that when the year started out, I had big plans for how it would go. I imagined having oodles of cool friends, an amazingly cute boyfriend, lots of fun adventures, and being really, really happy. Being the most fabulous version of me yet. But somewhere very quickly, those dreams became just that. Dreams. The "cool" people turned out to not be a match at all, and the crazy party scene was not my taste. And I just didn't feel as confident or as happy as I hoped. Suddenly, it felt more like I had really failed. And what are you supposed to do when the "you" you were going to be just doesn't happen to be there?

Looking back, I realize maybe I would've been, could've been, okay. Or maybe, I was really okay all along. Because maybe I did start down the wrong path. But I had good intentions. Maybe losing your direction is all part of the process of getting where you need to be. Besides, is that really how it's supposed to go? Trying to be the one everyone likes? Having rules for who you "have" to be? No. I mean, wanting people to like you is totally normal. And having dreams is no bad thing, either. But at the end of the day, I'd rather be happy, and know that I am a good person that I can like. So maybe the detour was worth it after all.

How about you, FG? What lessons did you learn this year? Where did your travels take you? I would love to hear.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Be Real

2009-04-29T13:43:00.004-05:00

Hey Fab Gals!

We may have never had royalty in this country, the USA. But these days celebrities are getting closer and closer. Not so much in they way they act. I mean, sure, they do make lots and lots of money, and go to fancy events in beautiful gowns and jewels. But I don't think that is so much the problem as the power we think celebrity holds.

Like the other day, I was watching TV and this guy was talking about "everyday heroes" and why we should only look up to "real people" (Susan Boyle being one of them). I get what he was saying - our best role models are often people we know. But I think we often use those words too much -"real people." Like, these are "real people" and these are "celebrities." See what I'm saying? We act like celebrities aren't even humans. It's true that many of them have worked themselves into (what seems to be) very extravagant, extraordinary lives. But they're still people.

The reason I think this is a problem is that we see the glamorous, beautiful pictures of these non-humans and we like less-than. It's like their lives have some unreachable fabulocity that we won't ever have. We are just normal people with normal lives and normal, normal everything.

Just keep that in mind next time you see a glam red-carpet shot and you wish you were more like your favorite star. Because, believe it or not, her problems might equally real. And even more, your life might be equally fabulous. We're all just people.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Body, Voice, & Soul

2009-04-22T19:45:00.004-05:00

Hello FGs!

It's just about died down now, but there was a whole lot of buzz - both on YouTube and the news - about Britain's Got Talent "shocker" Susan Boyle People were not only surprised because the girl has a voice - it seemed everyone was amazed that someone who looks like she does, whatever that means, can actually sing well.

It's not like she doesn't deserve the praise. She does. I mean, that girl can sing! But it just seems to me that she hasn't been given it the way she deserves. It's almost like a back-handed compliment. Like, "Wow, we saw you and thought you would be terrible. But you're not. Good for you!" Um, ouch? It kind of puts us in a difficult position - it seems nice, but it's almost perpetuating the stereotype that pop stars have to look a certain way, or even that people with talent must fit one definition of beauty. Actually, in ways it's like what happened with Jessica Simpson. What on earth does her body size have to do with her voice?

Of course, it's impossible to take looks or our bodies completely out of the equation. But I think it's better to look at people - and yourself - as a whole package. Yes, our bodies are important. But that's only one piece of it. They can change. Whether Susan was having a good hair day or a bad one - that doesn't need to be the focus. She's a whole person. We need to appreciate all parts of someone.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

PS - check out this video of Susan Boyle, and watch for everyone's reactions. (Thanks Alexis!)

You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home

2009-04-17T17:31:00.005-05:00

Happy Friday, Fab Gals!

The school year is winding down, and I can (almost) taste summer. But before I jump ahead to daydreaming about lying by the pool and spending my days reading Twilight and going to the mall, I have been thinking about all that's happened over this last year. I got the opportunity to try out what I think every teen dreams of: living away from home. Don't get me wrong, i love my parents. But I was dying for the chance to be a new, grown-up, independent me. I figured that this would be my chance to try real freedom.

It's funny, because while most of this year has gone by in a blur, I distinctly remember the morning that I left home. I went for my last jog around the neighborhood, and with my house in sight and my New Life just hours away... I tripped. Flat on my face. I remember ending up at the kitchen counter, with Dr. Dad cleaning up my knee and putting on my Band-Aids.

When I dreamed about what this year would be, I thought things would be so different, that I wouldn't need any help at all. I didn't know that morning would be more of a reflection of my year than could have imagined. I certainly have had my adventures, and I've been learning how to take care of myself. But there have been just as many times that I've fallen down and had bad days. And where did I find myself? Back home.

Wanting to grow up and be independent and have your own space is normal. Fab Gals are big dreamers. But I guess what I've learned is that growing up, well, it doesn't have to mean growing away. And it also means that, at the end of the day, you really don't always have to do it all yourself, and you don't always have to have it all together. Sometimes it's even better to know who will put on your band-aids when you fall down.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Believe in Me

2009-04-13T21:07:00.003-05:00

"I think that the only person who really doesn't trust you is you."

That's what went through my brain the other day, in the middle of pancakes and Good Morning America. I was eating breakfast, and already the running list of what I was up against for the day, the week was going through my head. Science project, boys, working out... Doesn't sound so bad. But I was really scared. I was sure I couldn't handle any of it, that nothing would go quite right.

And you know what? Maybe that feeling is completely normal. But it's all in how you translate it. It can either be, "Gosh, this must be really important to me. Let's see what I can do." Or it could be,"I am so stressed out. There's no way I can do any of this right."

Anyways, where I was going is this: I wonder how many times we think we're coming up against big obstacles, but we're really just setting up our own battles. Think about it - have you ever admitted to someone that you were worried you were gaining weight, or you sure you were going to mess up an audition, and they acted like they had no idea what you were talking about? Well, that's probably because they can really see how amazing and wonderful and talented you really are. Or think about this - have you ever had a friend or aunt tell you they think you're really beautiful, and you didn't believe it? Well, maybe it's true. And maybe right not the only person who doesn't believe in you, support, you, and have 100% trust and faith in you is, well... you.

Have you had one of those days lately, FG? Who is someone that does believe in you? Let me know what you think - I'm always here or at my e-mail, fabgalsite@gmail.com.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

I Love You, Me!

2009-04-09T20:27:00.005-05:00

Hello FGs!

You know, people always say "self-obsessed" like its a bad thing. Okay, so sometimes it probably is. You may not want to be like Tawny from Sonny With a Chance (a new favorite of mine!) who carriers a mirror in her pocket just to take glances at herself. But sometimes, I really think girls don't take it far enough. You are the only you you've got, if that makes sense. And you're absolutely fabulous. I would be obsessed, if I were you. So here are a few things that FGs with the right amount of self-obsession know how to do:

Appreciate Your Body - Swimsuit season is rapidly approaching, and sometimes the thought of showing that much skin can be a little more than scary. But you have to know that what you have is just fine, maybe even great. And you can feel okay showing off as little or much as you want. Easier said than done, I know. I wish I could tell you a magic trick for instant body-love, but if there is one, nobody has ever told me about it. Really it just takes practice. Some girls like to make lists of their favorite parts, or find a sport that makes them feel good. You'll get there. Check out this clip from Real Women Have Curves for some inspiration.
Make Your Own Decisions - It's easy to go with the flow and do what your girls or your family is doing, or even to let people kinda make up your mind for you. But the only way to decide who you want to be is to, well, make decisions for you. Try things out. That can be as simple as deciding to buy Taylor Swift when all your friends are listening to Paramore, or something bigger, like deciding to go out for softball or try out for the school musical. Who knows? You might really like where it takes you - and the you that's waiting on the other side.
Let Others Help You - This might seem like a misfit on this list. But I think that so many people don't do this enough. I know for me, I do sometimes worry about being a burden or a bother to someone. But have you ever thought it was a big pain when your BFF came to you for help? Of course not! Let the people who love you do so - your friends, your family would love to give you advice or a hand up. You may not realize how "you-obsessed" they already are.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Nothing to Fear

2009-04-06T22:47:00.003-05:00

Hey FGs!

You know, lately I've had the opportunity of talking with and getting to know some girls who have dealt with eating disorders. And I have heard so many girls talk about dieting, weight, and their bodies to start to see a common thread, or the root of so many struggles - a fear of our bodies.

It sounds like a strange concept. But when we get to the age of growing up, our bodies get to be very unpredictable. Life begins to follow a similar pattern. But when you forget that your body is absolutely unique and works differently than anyone else's, or your ideal body is something much different than your own, sometimes your body can feel out-of-control. Add in celebrity photos, gossip, and life drama, and suddenly your body is a beast that needs to be tamed.

Diets, in my view, while sometimes seemingly "healthy" or "normal," are often a way to keep our body in check, because we're scared of what might happen otherwise. What if we let go, and suddenly gain 25 pounds? It reminds me of this commercial I saw last week for face care with the slogan, "Discipline your skin." That's so often how we approach caring for our bodies, like they need to be kept in check. Now, that's just fine for the model in the commercial - she can get paid to discipline her body. But when it's your own life, real life, it's not so fun.

It can be hard to believe, but your body does not need to be controlled, or in any way feared or punished. In that way, we are no different from each other - every body needs to be cared for and has the ability to know what it needs. Take good care of you.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Ready, Break!

2009-04-01T20:42:00.002-05:00

Hey FGs!

So I'lll admit it - I am definitely having an off day today. I'm not going to make excuses or blame the other side of the bed - it just is what it is. And I was really stressing out, because I realized this afternoon that today was a blog day, and for once, I had no idea what to say. Nada. It might be a first.

I kept worrying myself over it, until I asked myself, What would I tell one of my Fab Gals to do in this situation? Just take a break. We always want to be at the top of our game, doing the most, the best. But you know what? Sometimes, you just need to take a breather.

So that's all I've got for today - taking a break with a Seventeen magazine. But you aren't off the hook just yet, FG. Check out the new poll on the side - I would love to know what topics you want to hear more about so I can come up with some cool new stuff. After that, feel free to take a break from from go-go-go mode. It will be so worth it.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

No Boys Allowed?

2009-03-30T22:22:00.002-05:00

Hey FGs!

Okay, so I know that this is (usually) an all-girl zone. But today we are going to talk about boys. Just for a bit. Because you know what? They might be a bit more like us than I thought.

Whenever people talk about eating disorders, they talk about girls. And it's certainly true that the majority of people with known eating disorders are girls. But you know, as I learned today, boys deal with body drama too. Just... in a different way. Of course, boys don't get pressure to be stick-thin the way girls do. But more and more, guys feel like they have to be muscular, built, lean-mean-fighting-machines. They may not count calories or run for miles like a girl - instead, they might center their days around protein-packed meals and countless hours weight-lifting at the gym. Either way, it can become an unhealthy obsession. The other difference is that they might not get chances to talk about these struggles the way girls do, or even really understand what their struggles are. What boy wants to admit to having a "girl" disease? That sounds worse than cooties.

The reason I thought this was important was because it made me realize this: girl or boy, eating disorder or no, we are all people. We are all unique, but in some ways we can be so similar. And recognizing that can make it easier for everyone to get the support they need.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

A Little Bit Stronger

2009-03-27T21:10:00.003-05:00

Hey FGs!

I was reminded yesterday how fast life can change, or at least life as we see it. My best friend B's mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Of course I can in no way speak for how she felt in that moment. Or her mom, or her family. But I know for me, it felt like there was this huge shift in the room, in the world. What would be different now? How would this change things for them?

And I realized today, seeing her mom smiling and talking to B and playing with their puppy, that if you've been living your life right, challenges and obstacles don't have to change anything. Like a real strong tree in a storm - it may lose a few leaves or twigs in a storm, but its roots are strong enough that it doesn't fall.

You know, in the movies you always see those characters who face something big and either crash or come out like a completely new person because of it. Suddenly they go from being a miser to being the most charitable person ever, or they learn to see the world in a magically different way. But I don't know if big change is necessary. Maybe the best goal is simple -stay whole and stay true to yourself (and those you love). And maybe if you do, you will come out just a little bit stronger and a little bit wiser because of it. And that's enough.

So what about you, FGs? I'd love to know - how have you faced big challenges in the past? What did you learn? Who do you admire that faced big obstacles in the past? Leave a comment to let me know!

xoxo

The Fab Gal

No Excuses Necessary, But...

2009-03-25T20:35:00.003-05:00

Hey FGs!

Let me paint a picture for you: You're standing in front of the mirror, wearing an outfit you've never worn before. But this time, you think you see something you've never noticed before - the way your stomach sticks out, or maybe how wide your hips seem. You start to worry what's happening to your body. A bunch of excuses and reasons come into your mind - you haven't been working out enough, you had too much junk food on spring break. Then those excuses lead to Hmm, maybe I should go on a diet?...

Have you been in this place before? I know I have. And I've decided that the excuses are the red flag that you're heading down a dangerous path. When you hear yourself saying, "Oh, it's because I ate that pizza" or something like that, hold on. Back up. I think it makes so much sense when we are in that moment, but you have to realize the farther you go picking apart your body, the farther you are letting yourself move away from accepting yourself. That's not where you want to go.

So don't let yourself make any excuses. you don't need 'em. Next time you hear one, backtrack and remind yourself that you are too busy, fabulous, and beautiful to listen to such nonsense.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Who Are You, Anyway?

2009-03-23T21:38:00.003-05:00

So FGs,

Who are you? If someone asked you that, could you answer? Sure, there's the obvious answers: Sister. Friend. Blonde. Lefty. Check. Check. Double-Check. (For me, anyway). But anyone can figure that out. There's got to be more to that answer. So how do you begin to answer it?

The truth is, I'm not really sure. But I guess the only place to start is to try. And hey, the more you need the figure out, the more that there is to explore.

I think of it like my closet -there's all these pieces from times when I was trying out something different. There's the Taylor-Swift-inspired skirt. Then there's the sparkly gold-and-pink tank top I bought to look like Sharpay from HSM. And then there's the Audrey Hepburn dress that matched with my Miley Cyrus/Demi Lovato hair. In fact, now that I think about it, much of my closet has been based off of trying to look like someone else, a sweet and pretty face in a magazine. Woah.

And that's not the worst thing ever. I mean, we are allowed to have people we admire, and it's cool to borrow or learn things from other people. But following in their footsteps can be like putting a placeholder on who you want to be. It's fine, and it may even be nice and easy, but don't you really want to take off the training wheels and ride for yourself? You can. But you have to make that choice and go for it. All by yourself.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Ain't About What's Waitin' on the Other Side

2009-03-20T23:01:00.002-05:00

Hey FGs!

Okay, so I had this weird dream last week. Twice. It was one of those really freaky-deaky ones: I was at school, walking with a group of people, and all of a sudden my legs started to feel really heavy, and I could barely walk. I started falling behind, till I literally fell to the ground, crawling to keep up with everyone. Then I woke up.

And it really bugged me that I had this dream not once, but two times. It kinda haunted me. I mean, logically, it's not a big deal. My legs are working fine. But I knew that wasn't really what it was about. Lately, I've been scared that things really are falling apart. And I was scared that somehow, in some way, my dream would come true.

That stuck with me until I realized I was forgetting one important detail: when my legs stopped working, I kept trying to move forward. Even after I was crawling on the ground. Even when I thought I was being left behind. Of course, I know that my problems might not be as great as not being able to walk. But still. I feel better remembering that even in my dreams, I do have that power to keep moving forward. It's kind of like that Miley Cyrus song - It's all about The Climb. Or in my case, The Crawl.

But what about you, FG? Where do your dreams take you? Feel free to share in a comment (see the instructions on the side). And as always, I am available at The Fab Gal Myspace or by e-mail at fabgalsite@gmail.com.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Let's Not Go There

2009-03-18T22:17:00.004-05:00

Hello Fab Gals!

I was searching around online the other day and I picked up on this article by Meghan McCain:

Quit Talking About About My Weight

In case you don't know, Meghan is the daughter of John McCain, a former candidate for president. After speaking out about her opinion on some political issues in the Republican Party, another woman, Laura Ingraham, snapped back, including some comments about Meghan's weight. But that just seemed so... icky. I guess we come to expect that kind of talk about celebrities, but it seems like when grown-up women are talking politics, it is so strange.

I think it just highlights how desensitized "fat talk" becomes, like anyone's weight is fair game. It gets to the place where we make being skinny equal to being beautiful, popular, or smart. And that's not good. I think it's even harder, when you're just a regular girl, and you see women who are rich, talented, smart, and on top of all that, gorgeous, getting torn down for their weight.

Anyways, where am I going with all of this? Well, I guess what I wanted to say is that I don't like where this story shows we might be going. And I'm guessing I'm not the only one. And the only place to start is with yourself. Learn to accept and take care of your own beauty, body, and soul. That's the only way we can become more aware - positivity is infectious. It's time we step up and be the FGs we know we are. Because we are all worth it.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Fact or Fiction?

2009-03-16T21:22:00.003-05:00

Hey FGs!

You know, I tend to think that I am always right. More than I will admit. More than I even realize myself, probably. I think I also know pretty darn well how it is to let your heart and your feelings lead and your logic follow. That's just how I am.

But I realized something today for the first time. Your feelings aren't always an accurate picture of how things are. Feeling confused doesn't mean that things are going wrong. Feeling worried doesn't mean that you have problems. And feeling bad doesn't mean that you are. Sometimes feelings are just that - how you are seeing the situation, not how it really is.

Of course, there are times when things happen that make us feel badly, and in those cases we need to speak up and do something about it. But other times, we have to recognize that our feelings might not match at all. And then we either need to accept them for what they are, or find some healthy way to deal with them - talking, journaling, drawing, anything. Sure, that acceptance doesn't come easily, but in the long run, it will save you over a band-aid solution to "fix" something that isn't really a problem - like trying to lose weight or become someone else.

If you need help, find someone close to you. Sometimes having a second perspective is all you need for a double-check on where your feelings are headed.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Walk Your Talk

2009-03-14T09:20:00.003-05:00

Hey FGs!

So I have a confession to make: as much as I'd like to say I always follow my own advice, it doesn't quite always happen that way. I sure can talk, but walking that out? Not so easy. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I even know what I'm talking about.

Lately, I've been testing myself out on one of my favorite pieces of advice: intuitive eating, or listening to my body to decide what it needs. I never realized how much I don't do that, and how much I still follow all the "rules" I have about when, where, and what to eat. So at first, following my own advice wasn't as easy as I hoped.

But you know what? I am incredibly glad I did it. Because I realized I can do it, it's just a matter of actually trying, taking the first step. Not only have I gotten much better at trusting my "gut" (get it?), I learned that maybe I should listen to my own voice more often, because maybe I do know something.

And my point isn't that my own advice is so fabulous, so you should listen to all of it. But maybe your own advice, your own voice is worth taking in every once and a while. Give a try.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Acceptance is an Everybody Thing

2009-03-11T21:47:00.002-05:00

Hello FGs!

So you know how I am - I always get a kick out of crazy new experiences. Well, yesterday brought me one: going to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Not for me, but for a school project. And this experience? One of my best yet.

I'll be honest - I think going into it I had this picture in my mind of what alcoholics are like, and maybe not a pretty one at that. I think that happens a lot though, for things we don't know much about. But hey, the only way we learn is by jumping in, no?

Each person stood up and said, "Hey, I'm so-and-so, and I'm an alcoholic." That part was just like the movie in my head. But the rest? The rest was so real. Everyone talked about struggling with themselves, and using some harmful solutions that didn't work out too well, and continuing to fight and struggle until they could just accept it. There it is - acceptance. That oh-so-difficult simple solution for all of us movers and shakers out here.

You know, I really do think so many of us struggle with that. And now I've seen it. Believe me - every person in the room was so different from the next, and so different from me. But we were all just at different places in the same journey - the journey to just being okay, to not feeling the need to change who we are or hurt ourselves or lash out. To just be able to live and love it. Why is that so hard? We all deserve it. And a few people sitting in the room, they'd found it. And me? Well, I'm going to keep looking for the answers. For you. For me. Because, FG, we deserve it.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Be a Friend

2009-03-09T21:48:00.003-05:00

Hey Fab Gals!

Do you ever have those days where you feel so un-fabulous about yourself? You look in the mirror and think, Ugh, my legs look so fat, I can't wear this skirt. You get to school and try to get your crush to notice you, but then you figure He's not interested in a girl like me, what am I thinking? Then by the end of the day, it's just I'm such a loser, I should just stop trying.

We all have days, moments, or even weeks like this. It's no picnic. But believe it or not, these moments are all in your hands. It's all a matter of being a better friend - to yourself.

Think about it: If a friend looked at you and said, "I am so fat! I should never wear a dress like this," what would you say? "Oh you're right. You're too fat, that's the problem. You should feel really bad about yourself right now." Of course not. It wouldn't even cross your mind, because A) that's not very helpful and B) it doesn't even make any sense. For some reason though, we learn to think that it's best to talk ourselves down - maybe to save from heartbreak or disappointment, or maybe because we don't realize how wonderful we are. But I believe that that kind of thinking causes a lot more problems than good.

The next time you catch yourself in one of those days, think about what you would say to a friend. "Honey, you look beautiful no matter what you wear. So if today is more of a sweatpants day, then wear what works for you." Treat yourself like the fabulous chica I know you are.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Who Will You Be?

2009-03-08T16:06:00.001-05:00

Hey FGs!

The first Saturday of the month was yesterday, and that means the latest FG Video Blog! Check it out and let me know who you will be.

xoxo

The Fab Gal
www.youtube.com/TheFabGal

Lost in Translation

2009-03-04T20:01:00.003-06:00

Hey FGs!

I think that everyone at some time has looked in the mirror and said to themselves, "Oh, I look so gross today," or maybe groaned to a friend, "I feel fat!" Okay, maybe not everyone, at least I hope not, but it does seem to be pretty common. I remember once hearing it referred to as another language - of fat talk. And if you think about it, that makes a lot of sense. There's all kinds of languages - gossip, diet talk. And it's so easy to pick up on - especially on the news and TV, these are hot topics. Is that really a problem? Maybe not. Until it becomes a way of speaking, not just a passing idea.

You see, sometimes these things that we say are just one way of saying something else. Fat is not actually a feeling. So I hear. I know that can seem hard to believe -like, No, but I really really do feel fat. But that's just what you think in translation.

So how do you make the switch? It's starts with just being aware, and thinking, Okay, what's really the sitch? Because focusing on dieting or weight or looks as a solution only makes sense when you think that you are feeling "fat" or "ugly." But what if you were really feeling sad, scared, worried, or worthless? Well, then you would probably have to find another solution, beyond dieting. But of course, that just does not seem as easy sometimes.

Switching from diet talk, fat talk, gossip talk, or any other type of harmful talk is hard, especially when you've become a native speaker. I know. Moving to a place of appreciating yourself and listening to what you would actually say if you weren't saying it in those ways is difficult. But it's a trip worth making.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Really Unreal

2009-03-02T22:17:00.003-06:00

Hey FGs!

Have you seen the videos from the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty? Well, you should! I especially love this one, so I wanted to share it with you. It's called "Evolution."

Isn't that crazy? I don't know, I guess I just had no idea that models don't even look like the girls we see in magazines - it's not even real. It makes you rethink the way you see those images - and they way you see beauty.
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If you want to check out some more of the Dove films, click over to their website. "Onslaught" and "Amy" are really good too!

xoxo

The Fab Gal

That Little Extra Something

2009-02-27T16:45:00.003-06:00

Hey Fab Gals!

Whenever I get a new magazine, I don't open it right away. I save it. I am so excited, and hopeful about what's going to be on the inside, that I wait - just so I can hold on to that feeling a little bit longer.

You know, it's kind the same thing with the student government going on at my school right now. There's one group that's running a campaign with only one promise: to fix a sidewalk. They say that they know it is boring, but at least they can promise that they will get it done. That seemed realistic enough, right? But then they've gone on and on, tearing down the other group for making promises that they may not be able to keep. Okay. But then I heard this other group speak. And I liked what their goals - more recycling bins, more social events. It doesn't seem that hard. Do I really have to believe it's not possible?

I don't know. It seems like we so often think that being cynical means you're being realistic. And it's true - having no hopes at all is the surest way to keep your heart from breaking, to keep from being disappointed. "Our only limits to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today." Franklin D. Roosevelt said that. Or more simply, "Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock!" Doubting doesn't make more things happen, it just means you won't try any more than you have to.

Sometimes (too much) I lose faith. In myself. My life. We all do. But I don't think you can really truly live without being a dreamer. You can. But your world won't be as colorful maybe. I spent 30 minutes getting ready for a guy I talked to for 5 minutes about the weather. And I love that. In fact, I wish I could have more of that. Bottle it up and use it everyday. Because yes, your dreams have to have some basis in reality. And when you work them up too much, reality can be a little disappointing. But I think in the long run, a hopeful life is infinitely more kind and beautiful.

And maybe, just maybe, you'll get those happily-ever-afters every once in a while.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Words to Live By

2009-02-25T21:32:00.003-06:00

Hey FGs!

I met a pretty amazing woman the other day at a presentation. She had been a bulimic for 23 years, and she's been recovered for the last 2. After working for years for a weight-loss company and a cosmetics brand, she now has made it her career to help people see their bueaty on the inside and out.

What I liked most was that her motto was "Be Real... Be True... Be You... Head 2 Toe!" That phrase, while quite simple, was powerful enough to get her where she is now on her journey. I've always thought that words could do a lot, and I started thinking that everyone should have their own Power Phrase. Something that can get you through tough times, but also can make you inspired. Like "Hakuna Matata."

So of course I've been trying to pick one out for myself. It's tough. I like "What would you do if you knew you were fabulous?" That's pretty long though. "Just Do It" is pretty good, but taken. I kind of like "Live Beautifully." But maybe I'll keep thinking on it. Anyways, I think that if you can find a Power Phrase - even if it's a borrowed quote that you really like - keep it with you. Tape it in your notebook, write it on your mirror - and don't you forget it!

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Make Someone a Priority

2009-02-23T22:05:00.003-06:00

Hey Fab Gals!

So I think today's blog is going to be kinda short and sweet. But I realized something today, and I think it is the most simple thing you can do to show kindness: Make someone a priority.

Life moves fast, and we all want to keep up with it. Food, music, cars - it's all fast. And that's not all bad. But sometimes, when we're in a hurry to get everywhere and know everyone, we don't pay attention to the things, or more importantly - the people, that are right around us.

So I think one of the best things you can do for someone is to just be there. Like, really be there. Really listen. Make whoever your with your priority in that moment. It will make them feel special. And how fabulous will that make you feel? Pretty fab, I bet.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Do You Measure Up?

2009-02-20T19:19:00.004-06:00

Hey FGs!

Models are, like, really skinny. Duh. We all know that. But let me put it in numbers for you: The average model is about 5'11" and 117 pounds. The average woman is 5'4" and 140 pounds (which is not fat). How does that make the average woman feel? Now this is even more crazy - if Barbie were a person, she wouldn't be able to stand up, or even survive. Her body wouldn't have room for her whole liver. I don't know my biology, but I'm pretty darn sure you need a liver.

You know, I always kind of questioned how much the media really affects us. I mean, we all know models are too skinny. We know that's not real. But then there's this survey that Dove did, and only 2% of women would call themselves "beautiful." Woah. And thinking of all the women I know, these women are so wrong - at least 99.999% of them are.

It's just a really sad place to be - sure, looks aren't the only thing, I know. But that's 98% of the women out there waking up every day thinking they're not beautiful women, when they so totally are. And if you let yourself think you're not beautiful, what else will you let yourself believe?

It just makes me want to go scream to all those women, "Please, you are so beautiful! Don't hold waste it - enjoy it!" There's so many wonderful things you deserve, and so many great things you should experience. Since I can't tell them all, I will tell you, FG: Don't hold yourself back. No You're not Barbie. You're better. You're a real beauty. That's too much to waste.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

I'm So Not Into That

2009-02-18T19:41:00.003-06:00

Hey FGs!

I went and saw He's Just Not That Into You just about a week before Valentine's Day. And after seeing it, I was curious about the book, so I checked it out. Now, the guy giving the advice in this book is very straightforward. Blunt. Maybe even a little rigid. I mean, after each girl's story about her guy dilemma he says the very same thing: You shouldn't lower your standards. Don't take any "excuse." Don't wait around for him. Why? He's just not that into you.

But as I was reading it, I thought, Okay, now that's got to be a little extreme. I mean, aren't girls allowed to be bold, ask the guy out? Isn't it a good thing to be patient? Hey, I've done those things before. And I certainly didn't think I was lowering my standards. Then again...none of those things really worked out.

And today, I got this weird text from a guy I kinda liked at the beginning of the year. It was a little mean. Well, at least I felt bad when I read it. At first I thought, What's so wrong with me that I attract guys like this? Then I started to feel guilty, like maybe I really had done something wrong, and this is my fault, I really should have been more sensitive.

Woah, girl. That's where I stopped and realized what Greg (that's the author) was talking about. I deserve better. I do not deserve to be made to feel bad or guilty or like I'm the one with the problem. Where does he think a relationship would go from that? So, I don't know, I really wouldn't call myself the relationship expert. But I guess I just think you always need to go with that gut check, and remember that if you feel wrong, that's probably not how it's supposed to go. Relationships are for boosting you up. So "He's just not that into you"? Honey, please. Try "I'm just not that into him."

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Easier Said Than Done

2009-02-16T18:45:00.005-06:00

Hey FGs!

So I just went to see Confessions of a Shopaholic this weekend. Loved it! So cute. Most of all, I loved the main girl, Rebecca - she was so sweet, and crazy, and fashion-obsessed. . . and really bad at following her own good advice. And that made her so real.

In the movie, Rebecca is a writer who dishes out financial help that people can actually follow, while she herself is stuck in major debt. When she got caught, people thought she was just a big phony. But I don't think she was at all. In fact, I think a lot of us are like this. I think we so often know what the right answers are, and if a friend asked for our help, we could come up with a clear solution. So why can't we take our own advice?

I think maybe it's a matter of really believing in yourself. Think about if a gal pal came up and asked you if you thought she should maybe go on a diet and lose some weight. You would probably say No Way! You would probably then remind her how beautiful you think she is, and tell her she is too great to deserve to waste her time, trying to change who she is. But what about yourself? If you were feeling that way, could you look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself those things?

Or maybe it's not a matter of having faith in yourself, but just being too close - like standing too close to a painting to really see how it all works together. Maybe when we have a problem, it's time to take a step back, look in, and realize you're good enough for your own advice too.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Be Your Own Valentine

2009-02-13T13:56:00.004-06:00

Hello FGs!

When did Valentine's Day stop being fun? Sometime after passing out candy valentines to classmates, it seems like people really don't like this holiday very much. If you do have a bf, then you have to figure out a gift. And if you don't? It's taken as a bad reminder that you're single.

Usually, I would say that's silly. We all have love in our lives, in some way our another. But even I was feeling the grudge this year. I fell into the single-girls trap of this holiday, thinking that since no boy will be sending me chocolates or roses that I'm obviously worthless in some way.

But as I was making little cards for my friends, I opened one of those Dove chocolates with the messages inside. It said - "Be your own Valentine." And I thought, Hey, thank you very much! It's cheesy, but it was exactly what I needed to hear, now more than ever. I got so caught up, thinking like everyone else that it's bad to be single, that I forgot my #1 relationship rule: You need to love yourself, first.

So I'm thinking now my V-day plans are gonna go something like this: Get up. Goof off with my girls. Go sledding. Catch up on The Bachelor. Start that journal I've been meaning to get around to. Remember what I would really like in a relationship, besides just having one. And for the first time, in a long time, just appreciate how I am, right now.

So wherever, however, and with whomever you celebrate this year - respect yourself and what makes you so lovely. When you give yourself love, it's a whole lot easier to share it.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

What Goes Around...

2009-02-11T19:10:00.002-06:00

Hey there Fab Gals!

You know, I've been told before how much people's attitudes can affect you. Surround yourself with positive people, they say. And I always though, yeah, I guess that makes sense, but how does it really work out? And I think now I really get it.

See, I have a friend who is very. . . strongly opinionated. She has absolutely no problem telling anyone how she feels. But one day, she was going on and on about a fight she had, and she kept telling me how stupid and mean the other girl was. I was trying to just listen, but I seriously was about to snap. Later that night, I coudn't help but complain to another friend about how much that attitude was drove me crazy. I was continuing the cycle.

Then, on the flipside, I got a really nice e-mail from a friend telling me what a great job I did on a something I wrote. It made me feel so good, I e-mailed another classmate offering to help her on her project. Then, I was sent a note from another friend, talking about what a wonderful week she was having, me being a part of it, and I thought, Goodness, that makes me feel so great! How can I share that feeling with someone else?

So that's how I think it works - positivity, negativity - it's like a chain reaction. Like when you find good music or good food and you can't help but share it with someone else. And I'm sure it's a good thing to try to surround yourself with positive people. But one place to start is to see how you can be that positive person and share it, even in a small way.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Mind Yourself

2009-02-09T16:28:00.003-06:00

Hello FGs!

This is a topic I've probably covered before, but I will come back to it again and again, because I'm still learning it too: "mindful eating." What is that? Pretty simply, it means listening to your own body to decide when and what to eat - not judging your wants or hunger by a calorie count, celebrity diet, or even a friend.

It's so funny, because this is really a process of unlearning - our bodies intuitively know what they need, but culturally it becomes more standard to follow someone else's rules, as if they know what's right. There's this gum commercial right now that is a perfect example - a woman is standing in front of the cookie counter, but then decides she "shouldn't" have one, so she chews a stick of sugar-free gum instead. Who told her that cookies are "bad" foods? If you want one, you can have one.

Beyond the influence of media, I catch myself following my friends too. If I hear them talk about bad foods or things they shouldn't eat, I keep that in mind. And I always seem to try not to eat more than they do. It's not like they would really care, or say anything about it. It just seems safer.

And you know what? There's no need to follow anyone's rules. Because who knows better than you what you need? The fact is, nobody. And it can be a great challenge to tune out all of those rules, especially if they've become a seemingly "natural" way for you - believe me, I know. But once you can start to turn them down, you can listen more carefully to the one who really knows best: you.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Don't forget - I am always reachable at fabgalsite@gmail.com and at The Fab Gal Myspace. Whatever you need, I'm here for you!

Redefining Beauty

2009-02-07T10:15:00.001-06:00

Hey FGs!

It's the first Saturday of the month, and that means... the newest video in the FG series! Check it out here or at www.youtube.com/TheFabGal.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Speaking Up for Real Beauty

2009-02-04T20:03:00.004-06:00

Hey hey FGs!

I have been so fascinated lately by all the talk going on about Jessica Simpson, and the recent photographs that everyone seems to have a comment on. Her outfit has been bashed, and her body picked apart and labeled - everything from "curvy" to "fat."

Normally, I would say it's just best to stay away from this kind of media and the nasty body talk. It just perpetuates our ideas about beauty, weight, and what's considered acceptable to say about other people. But I'll admit - I've been obsessed, clicking on every Jessica link I've seen (believe me, there are quite a few!). It's just so strange. We always say that we are so over the skinny thing, and everyone tears apart the stick-thin celebs. But if someone does look normal, whether or not she has gained weight, everyone feels they have the right to call her a pig. No wonder we are all so confused about beauty.

But as I was on my celebrity gossip frenzy, I found on article on Us Magazine's website. They talked about her "new curves" in some back-handed way to seem nice. But when I scrolled to the bottom, so many people had left comments. And most of them were talking back. They said things about how she looked beautiful the way she is, but that it really isn't our right in the first place to decide what her body should look like. And I am so glad these people chose to say (or type) what they did.

You see, you can try to stay away from the negative media all you want. But sooner or later, you have to face it. So I think the better approach is to face it - and speak up when you see something you don't like. Things won't go away just because you ignore them. Now, I understand that speaking up may not change the way the media works. But it will give you the power to have your own voice and make your own decisions about what beauty means to you. And that's beautiful in itself.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Life Stories

2009-02-02T12:49:00.003-06:00

Hello FGs!

So I have been working on this really interesting project lately. See, I'm part of this peer education group at my school, and we each have to write out our own "life story," as far as food and body drama. When we're done, we have to share them with the group. I have yet to share mine, but many girls in the group have. And when we got started, I remember looking around the group and thinking, These girls are so cool and confident. There's no way been there, or felt bad about their bodies. And I was so wrong. In fact, they had all been there, some to the far extremes. I couldn't believe it.

Then this weekend, I was having a girls' night with some FGs from my school. We were sharing silly date stories, and someone brought up first kisses. Well, I haven't had mine yet (shh!). I was trying to keep quiet, but then A turned to me and said, "What was yours like?" "Me? Oh well, you know, it. . . hasn't happened yet." And she yelled, "Oh my gosh, me neither!" Once again, I was so surprised. I thought I knew her so well. She is so outgoing, fun - everybody loves her. But there she was, hiding the same silly secret as me.

Sometimes people can catch you off guard - even when you think someone's life seems "so perfect" compared to you, they might be more like you than you think. I realized that I have been carrying all of my insecurities around like scars, as if everyone could see them. And I've let myself feel like less because of it. But you know what? I wouldn't think less of those FGs, because in spite of whatever they are still pretty darn fabulous. Don't hold yourself back, because you just might be more fab than you think.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Positively Crazy

2009-01-30T14:00:00.004-06:00

Hey FGs!

People always talk about the "power of positive thinking," or how "seeing the world through rose-colored glasses" can change your life. I don't want to say that's not true, but... it just never seems that simple, and I never understood why.

Anyways, someone gave me this article about the ten errors of thinking, things like "mind reading" (assuming that someone thinks badly of you) or "all-or-nothing thinking" (everything is either totally perfect or a total flop). They're kind of like the roadblocks or brick walls to thinking clearly. Or maybe not blocks, but ways we tried to save ourselves - from getting disappointed, getting hurt. Or enjoying life more than we think we should.

And yesterday, I woke up with the feeling that nothing was going to go right. I had put off homework all week, and between dinner and other activities I wasn't sure I'd have time to finish and go to the movies. I was definitely being positive - positive I was going to mess things up. My day just continued on the same way. I worried about my friend not calling me back, and my outfit not being right. And homework. And boys. Everything. Life of a teenage girl, I know. But the worst part was that I kept telling myself I couldn't handle it.

Finally, I took a break, took a breath. And I looked in the mirror. And I realized, Hey, you look really beautiful today. I had been so frazzled that I didn't take the time to straighten my hair. It looked really cool, all wavy. I had never noticed that before. So that's the worst of it. I was so intent on assuming everything was wrong I missed the thing that had gone right.

That lead me to my personal FG challenge for the week - making note of the kinds of negative statements I make to myself that stop me from seeing the reality of things. Because life is messy and wavy and unpredictable. And that's beautiful.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

What is Healthy?

2009-01-28T20:43:00.003-06:00

Healthy is getting your blood pumping...

...and finding time to relax.

Healthy is eating apples and carrots and yogurt...

...and chocolate or pizza or Ben & Jerry's.

Healthy is working your body...

...and working your mind and your soul.

Healthy is eating food for a healthy heart...

...and finding relationships for a healthy heart.

Healthy is living to feel great...

...and admitting when you don't feel well.

Healthy is pushing yourself to the limits...

...and knowing what those limits are.

Healthy is NOT measured by pounds, calories, dress sizes, or minutes on the treadmill.

It's measured by how you feel.

I Decide

2009-01-26T13:30:00.002-06:00

Hello FGs!

Where do you turn when you are faced with a problem? How do you handle the challenges that life brings you? It's not something that we think about that much, since we are always on-the-go, moving forward. But I think that looking at where you are, where you've been, and how you've dealt with life in the past can help you make some positive changes.

I recently heard someone say "The definition of insanity is trying the smae solution over and over and expecting different results>" While I think those words are a little strong, I get what they're saying. You need a new approach if you want new results. But what is even more wacky, as far as I'm concerned, is looking for external solutions to internal struggles.

So often we just look to surface-level problems when things aren't going right, like The reason I don't have a boyfriend must be because I'm not pretty enough, not skinny enough. Or maybe even worse, we turn towards other people, out loud or maybe without realizing it, to see what should make us happy. Once again, playing what should be our game by another set of rules, by their values and happiness. It's like shopping at Abercrombie because all of your friends really like it, so you think it probably will make you happy too. Not to diminish their values and joys - everyone's are equally worthy and important. But the thing is, theirs might not be the same as yours.

FG Challenge: Follow your "internal compass." Become more aware of what rules and external solutions you have been living your life by that aren't working for you. It will seem difficult at first, but try to start recognize what makes you happy. Eventually you will be able to fill your life with more of those things, and you won't have room for all of the other ones.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Hey Mama

2009-01-23T13:54:00.003-06:00

Hey FGs!

Be honest: Do you ever try to pretend like you aren't really that much like your family? I know I try to do that sometimes. I love them, but... they can be a little crazy. I think at times we like to pretend that they don't affect us, or that maybe we're just to cool one who was really adopted, and actually belongs to the genes of some rock star.

But at the end of the day, it's amazing how much they can shape who we are. Like, I was talking to this group of girls about their body struggles, and I was amazed how often they mentioned how their family somehow changed the process of it - either (unintentionally) starting it, or thankfully, being the ones who set them on the right path. And then I was reading up on it, and the experts say it's true. Sometimes family "rules" (like the ones I mentioned the other day) can set you off on the wrong path. And at the same rate, especially when you're young, your family is a necessary part of making positive changes.

And I'll admit that at first, this info didn't sit with me. I mean, I'm still really young. But what if I want to have kids one day? Will my problems mess them up? And what does this all mean about my family right now? But here's the reality check: Life isn't perfect, and your family may not be a happy Brady Bunch clan. But there is one very important factor in the equation that can affect change - that's you. Being aware of your own abilities, issues, and needs will help. Being a positive role model - for your cousins, sisters, or even parents 0 might just be the change. And being open and honest could be just what you all need.

What are your family relationships like? What are some "rules" that haven't been working? How has your family affected you in a positive way (or you to them)? Leave a comment to let me know!

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Playing by the Rules

2009-01-21T16:31:00.002-06:00

Hello FGs!

So you know what they say - you have to know the rules of the game to know how to break them. And recently, someone told me to consider what rules I am living my life by - so I can see what ones I want to reconsider. It's funny because even when it's your own life, sometimes those rules can be hard to recognize. They can run pretty deep, coming from conflicts way back and things you learned long ago.

Think about a simple one - brushing your teeth everyday. It's something I always do without too much thought. My parents taught me to do that long ago, and now it's a habit. That's a rule that does work. But there might be other ones, like "Don't say what you think if others don't agree." For whatever reason, at some time that rule might have helped you get by, so you continue to do it. If you think about it, eating disorders are based in rules that appear to "help" you, on the surface, cope with an issue.

One of my rules? "Listen to what other people tell you about you - they know what they're talking about." Sometimes, it's like I'm not really sure who I am, so it seems like if I go with what everyone else says, they must be right. But sticking to that rule would mean that I wouldn't get to be who I want. Seriously, no one should know me better than me - I'm around 24/7.

So once you start to work out your "shoulds," "musts," and "have-tos," and maybe start to see where they come from, here comes the fun part - figuring out every way you can break them. Because really? You probably don't need them as much as you think. Besides, you're more likely to win if you play the game your way.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Confession of a Shopaholic

2009-01-19T18:46:00.003-06:00

Hello FGs!

I do love to shop. A lot. And believe me, I have gotten to do more than my share of it this weekend. Some would say it's a silly hobby, I guess. But it has taught me a thing or two about life. Like this weekend, I was at the biggest mall in the US. Usually, I would just be elated. But every time I walked into one of my favorite stores, I just felt lost. What am I even looking for? Do I want a simple gray sweater, or a turquoise party dress? Cheetah print or plaid? Stilettos or Converse?

So how do I handle this? Well, I could grab everything in my size, and try on one in every color. Or I could just quit while I'm ahead, and ditch for the food court. Maybe I'll just try to channel one of my favorite celebs - they always know what to wear. Can I just ask my shopping partners to pick something out, and go with that?

So what did I learn from this? Well, other than the fact that I take shopping pretty seriously, I guess I realized that I was feeling just as unsure and indecisive as I am in a few areas of my life right now. I suppose that's the way it is - how you're thinking, your attitude, what you're feeling about yourself - it all becomes a part of everything you do. When you're feeling confident and happy, it's all a little easier. It's true with every emotion - you carry it with you.

To me, shopping can also give you a fresh perspective on life. What do you do when you have no idea what you're looking for? Go with an honest friend, try on some things that are comfortable and some you've never tried before, and don't buy unless it's a perfect fit. Same for shoes, same for life.

xoxo

The Fab Gal

Written on Your Hand

2009-01-16T11:32:00.003-06:00

Hello FGs!

It was one of those days: I was squishing my face in the mirror (sometime between tooth brushing and eyebrow plucking, I believe), deciding what new flaws had popped up. I don't know where I picked up this routine - nobody is ever that close to my face, and if they were, well, I guess they would either be kissed or slapped. Anyways, on this day I decided that one of my front teeth was longer than the other, and they were kinda a different color on the bottom.

Later that day, I went to get my palm read. Before you write me off, I'm really not this crazy, superstitious chick. But I have to try everything once, and I was really curious about this. And I was shocked at how amazingly accurate it was. I obviously don't know if the part about my future was true, but everything the palm reader said about my personality was spot-on.

Even though I should have been happy to know that I would get the job I want, find my soulmate, and live to 86, I was stuck. Everything I know is true, he said - I can be stubborn, and overly energetic to the point of being fidgety or impatient. And apparently, I will be 12 for the rest of my life (I still don't know what that means!). Great. So all of my flaws are written out on my hand for anyone to see.

And then I realized that in thinking this way, I was doing the exact same thing I was doing in front of the mirror - picking out every little flaw. And blowing it up with a magnifying glass. Now, I think that a big part of self-acceptance comes from knowing what your flaws are, and being okay with them. But at the same time, turning those negatives into the whole picture won't make you happy, and it isn't even realistic. I mean, really - being young and energetic for the rest of my life? Not such a bad thing.

xoxo

The Fab Gal